Adventures In Autofellatio

Jesse Bering overshares:

Long before I knew very much about anything regarding sex, I did what many young males do, which of course is to place an empty paper-towel roll over my penis and suck hopefully upon the cardboard end. Okay, perhaps not everyone does this; I was a little confused about the suction principle. And now I'm a bit embarrassed by the story, although it's been a full year since the event and I'm much better informed on the subject of fellatio today. Oh, settle down, I'm only joking.

Well, kind of. I did actually attempt this feat, but I was 12 or 13 at the time, which, to give you a clearer sense of my unimpressive carnal knowledge at that age, is also around the time that I submitted to my older sister with great confidence that a "blow job" involves using one's lips to blow a cool breeze upon another's anus.

Switching gears, Bering delves into the scant scientific literature over whether autofellatio implies homosexuality:

The most recent psychiatric investigations on autofellatio date to the late 1970s (around the time that Freud's particular grip on psychiatry lost its tenuous hold), and the earlier ones to the 1930s, so as a rule the men described therein faced baseless moralistic proscriptions against homosexuality. This meant other men's penises were very hard to come by. So it's not terribly surprising that those too frightened to perform fellatio on another man would develop severe neuroses after indulging in their own penises.