Autumn Whitefield-Madrano examines how her self-reliance made it harder to get help:

It makes sense that I was unable to see that what I thought was me "handling" the situation was, in fact, the 2001 liberated-lady version of "he beats me because he loves me." Abuse "works" because the victim internalizes it. I wasn’t ever going to internalize the idea that he hurt me because he loved me; I could, however, believe that because abuse was what happened to weak women and I wasn’t weak, my situation was just that—a "situation," not abuse.