The Visual Charge Of A Beard

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Gilbert Alter-Gilbert uncovered the English book Poets Ranked by Beard Weight, "a privately printed leaflet offered by subscription to the informed man of fashion" by Upton Uxbridge Underwood on the eve of Great War:

[O]ur self-appointed arbiter of all things fuzzy and frizzy applies a grading system structured as a sliding scale he has unassumingly named the Underwood Pogonometric Index. This admirable instrument of scientific classification gauges the presence and projection of a "galvanic imponderable" Underwood calls poetic gravity — an intangible property which results from the aesthetic "charge" of the beard itself rather than from any intrinsic ability or merit attaching to the wearer in question or to his literary productions.

(Image: Samuel F. B. Morse, winner of the highest ratings.)