Noah Brand wants people to understand the unchosen character of specific sexual desires as a means of coming to peace with their self-identity:
[K]ink theorists think of libido as simply a part of oneself, like the color of one’s eyes. Too many people, especially men, think of their sexual desire as something apart from themselves. We’ve all heard the jokes about the penis having a mind of its own, possibly emotional holdovers from puberty and its unwanted erections, but it’s amazing how many guys take that seriously. They have a thing for feet, or spanking, or voyeurism, or whatever else gets them off, and they think of that kink as something other, something alien, something they can purge from themselves in some way. It never works, and all it does is hurt the poor guy in the meantime.