Reddit had a thread on epic dumps recently. One for starters:
I just spent 8 minutes sweating, rocking back and forth and hyperventilating while shitting. I thought it was death. At 36 I have never experienced anything like it. It kept getting worse and worse until finally my ass let loose with the fury of a thousand suns. Then, aside from a burning asshole, it has subsided. I am still sitting here waiting for something more. I think it's done.
I'll see your vicodin shit and raise you a heroin shit.
My dead friend, Patrick, was obsessed with what he called his Morgenscheisse. He once went to the loo and came out all excited. "It's a water-breaker!" he proudly proclaimed. One of four boys, he was scatologically evolved. A "water-breaker" is a single long log that touches the bottom of the toilet bowl and continues out above the surface water. I'm not sure how many Courics that is.