Exploring Natural Law While Stoned

Jun 8 2012 @ 12:50pm

It probably isn't the first time a 3 am college discussion veers on to the same territory that Jim Behrle shares here. It's very funny. But it also has a serious point. Here is an actual serious critique of the current orthodoxies in natural law with respect to sex. Now remember that natural law posits that anyone can glean the divine purpose of our bodies from simple reflection on what nature has created. Hence the notion that sex is only for procreation, and any sex not designed to make babies is against our nature and God's will. Obvious innit? And yet:

If sex was merely about procreating, why is it so hard for some people to get pregnant? Some animals have, like, barbed penises that don’t release themselves from vaginas 800px-Human_nipplewithout ejaculating a million times directly inside to make sure that the job gets done. Humans have soft tiny unbarbed penises. That come really fast and then make us nap. At least in my experience. And I have never impregnated anyone! I made a giant list of all the people I have had sex with and it was depressing. And none of those people had any babies because of me. This seems like a giant waste of evolutionary effort.

Also, I have heard about this thing called the female g-spot. Have you heard of this thing? And the clitoris. Have you ever found that? I have never found it. But apparently it is, wait for it, outside of the vagina. That seems like an awfully stupid place to put it if sex was only meant to feel good through intercourse that makes babies. Vibrators feel better than penises! And we don’t have lots of robot babies being born! Think about that.

Nipples also. Nipples. What is up with those?

Figuring out what is "natural" in nature from what is not "natural" turns out not to be that easy. But wouldn't things that make us feel pleasure be more natural than those that don't? I mean: Did God really give us all that capacity for orgasm on the condition that it only be experienced when actually creating another human being? It's like giving someone a water-cannon and demanding they only water a single house plant.

(By the way, "Clitoris, purpose of" is my favorite index note from The Conservative Soul. For a less stoned exploration of the arbitrary incoherence of "natural law" as it is currently embraced by the Catholic hierarchy, Chapter 2 may be of interest.)