The Roid Age, Ctd

More readers vent their frustrations and personal preferences:

Wow, just digging yourself in deeper there: "gay men cannot resist the siren call of big chests or an ass you can rest a jäger shot on." Did it ever occur to you to say "I" or use a qualifier such as "many/some" gay men? My best friend is a gay man who loves skeletally thin men and finds big chests and asses to be repulsive. While an attraction to skeletally thin might not be widespread, there is more diversity in physical attraction than is dreamt of in your barren roid philosophy. Your particular turn ons do not speak to all gay men's turn ons.

As an additional dissent, it becomes tiresome to keep reading posts about either marijuana or steroid use without the qualifier that, due to your HIV status, you have significantly less risky access – either from a legal (medical marijuana) or safety (doctor prescribed steroids) perspective – than most of the population.

Sure: I shouldn't have said all men or all gay men. Many. As for my unusual status as someone under medically supervised testosterone replacement therapy, I have often referred to it. Another reader:

Are you familiar with twinks? Have you forgotten they exist? Not all gay men are into muscle worship and the professional wrestler look. You're trying to hard to universalize your erections.

I thought both pecs and an ass would cover the ground. Twinks can have great asses too. Another reader:

I'm a 41-year-old bear. My partner of almost 9 years is a slender guy.  Your blog is the last place I thought I'd read the same kind of childish, muscle-worshipping stereotype that repels me from gay bars – especially bear bars.  I've had bears in these bars look at my partner and say, "What are you doing here?" then say to me, "What are we, not good enough for you?"  Please.  These people need to get some therapy.

Perhaps you think this is obvious but someone has to say it: different strokes for different folks, Andrew. 

Not all straight men like big boobs or slender women and not all gay men are drawn to the "siren call of big chests".  I'm certainly not.  To me, those aren't sirens; they're warning bells of someone who's in love with their looks and will spend more time at the gym than by my side.  They'll likely be dreadful, shallow insecure messes as their bodies inevitably age.  Comments like yours serve to only reinforce the completely false stereotypes that the gay community is a shallow sex-starved group of sweaty men.

I was unaware that gay men were viewed as "sex-starved". But of course I understand that sexual and emotional attraction varies enormously and is complex. But the allure of the V-shape of healthy masculinity is, in my view, buried in our genes. Steroids just take that one step further – for good and ill. Another reader:

Speaking as a straight man, a hot body alone is unlikely going to get you laid.  Women simply don't operate with visual stimuli like men.  Gay men, yes – I can get it.  As a straight man, a highly visually stimulating women creates an immediate physical and primal response.  Involuntary.  But it is my civil nature, how I was brought up, and my general repulsiveness to being someone I am not that draws a line between pursuit and passivity. 

Women simply won't go to bed with a meathead.  While casual sex is on the increase, it is still not the norm and sexual activity is typically confined to an emotional bond. And for women sexual attractiveness, while important, is just one of many factors – and not nearly as important traits such as confidence and sense of humor.  A guy who can tell a joke or turn a phrase has a WAY better chance at getting laid than any roided-up jackass.


Yes, many of us of women find tights butts and bulging biceps a turn-on, but to a point (straight potential steroid-users take note). I'm pretty sure most women are are repulsed by the look of the ultra-pumped up body builder physique, perhaps in the same way some men find bleached, breast-implanted, botoxed, lip-injected, excessively made-up women unappealing. 

Secondly, you are making a big, and I think, incorrect, assumption by concluding gay men universally lust after the physical characteristics that you find personally attractive, or that all straight guys are wild about big boobs.  Fortunately for athletic, small-breasted women such as myself, there is a definite "market" for the skinny, small-boobed girl.  There are also guys who specifically dig wobbly overweight girls, scarily tall girls, and female body-builders. 

Yes, guys like boobs, but not all guys like really big boobs.  Some are more interested in other body parts (curvy butts for example).  Same goes for women; while I go for guys who look fit (but not ripped), some like bodybuilders, some go for big hairy longhaired biker-looking guys, and some prefer a cleancut ultra-lean runners physique.  I imagine it is pretty much the same with gay men (there are a number of gay looks/types, are there not?).  You overlook that there is this great diversity in what individuals of any gender or sexual orientation consider attractive (despite what Hollywood would have us think).

To read the full discussion thread, go here.