How To Do A Stupid Magazine Interview

Like only Louis C.K. can:

What is your current state of mind?
I’m sort of depressed, actually. I wish you hadn’t asked. 

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
It would be that I never agreed to fill out this fucking thing. 

If you could change one thing about your family, what would it be?
Oh my God, you really want to hear some shit, don’t you? I’m not answering that. Who would answer that???

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
There’s this one girl in Oklahoma City. We had sex on New Year’s Eve. She was 19. I was about 23. She was way out of my league. Still can’t believe that one. I hope she’s O.K. now.

If you could choose what to come back as, what would it be?
I mean, who has time to think about shit like this? I have two kids. I have shit to do. We have to find a middle school for next year. Shit is getting real. Who has time to think about what they want to do in their next life?

Yesterday, I vaguely saw a man with two kids walking toward me on the sidewalk. I'm still not adjusted to New York City fully so I stepped to one side to let them pass. Looking up, there was Louis CK. Looking exasperated. I let him be.