You Think “Weiner” Is Bad? Ctd

Jul 29 2013 @ 11:15am


Dish readers continue to pool their vast collective knowledge:

I believe I’ve got a name that is even more preposterous than Bill Boner or Harry Baals or Dick Swett. I once worked with a guy from Zimbabwe named Lovemore Dick.

Don’t believe me? There’s several of them from Zimbabwe and Mozambique on Facebook, along with Lovemore Dickson. Look ‘em up. And none of them is the one I know. Seems to be a popular name.

Another reader:

I live half an hour from this Air Force base, named after Eastern NC’s own WW2 hero: Seymour Johnson.

Another:

In the ’80s at SUNY Binghamton, a very nice guy named Gil Dickoff ran for office in the Student Association. He ran against someone named Smith. Gill lost the election. And what was the headline in Pipedream, the student newspaper?  “Smith Beats Dickoff Handily”

Another:

There was a family furniture store here in Pasadena named J.H Bigger. You guessed it: The manager’s name was Dick. Dick Bigger.

Another:

In the fine tradition of funny Dick names, I give you: Dick Champion.

Many more contenders after the jump:

I just had to write in.  I’ve had two people in my life who could illicit a laugh whenever I heard their name:

1. Dick Beiter. He was my flag football coach when I was 8-9 years old. I swear to god that was his true name. (He had three sons and one daughter. The oldest son had Down’s syndrome and served as the “lineman” when we played; he would go along the sidelines and mark the first down line after each play.)

2. Dick Burns. He was my high school history teacher. Of course, the yearbook says “Richard” but he went by “Dick” among colleagues. Hilarious. Try not to laugh in class!

Another:

Here’s a photo of a now-extinct New Orleans auto dealership: Dick Bohn Ford. (And yes, you pronounce it “bone”.)

Another:

Perhaps you recognize this reputable car dealership from your time on Cape Cod:

Screen Shot 2013-07-28 at 5.38.18 PM

Another:

Back in the early 1980s there was a company in Salt Lake City called Richard Long Erection Company, always referred to as Dick Long Erection Co.

(Though Google has no record of it.) Another reader:

As I see that Northwest Ohio is not yet representin’, let me add these two gems to the thread: Former Ohio state representative from Huron County, Richard “Dick” Rench, and retired Toledo judge Peter Handwork.

Another reader:

I’m actually a little surprised you haven’t gotten this one already, but when I did my freshman orientation at UCLA, the counselors told us a number of ridiculous lies leading up the most ridiculous one of all – except that one happened to be true: The University Research Library has a plaque dedicated to the former campus librarian, Hugh G. Dick.

Another gets off the Dicks:

As long as everyone is contributing their favorite unfortunate names, here’s mine: Gay Hitler, a dentist from Circleville, Ohio (born in 1882).

Another:

When my brother attended Minot (ND) State Teacher’s College in the 1960s, there was a girl’s dorm named after a former Dean of Women, Helen Hoar. Can you imagine sending your 18-year-old daughter to live in Hoar Hall?

The mascot of Minot State is the Beavers, and back then photos of selected girls on campus were sent to celebrities every year (think Jackie Gleason, Johnny Carson, etc) so they could choose “Miss Beaver.”

And at the University of North Dakota, the chair of the Speech Department in the ’70s was Hazel Heiman. Campus lore had it that her son’s name was Buster.

Another:

My ex’s sister was known as Kitten … and the family name was Raper.  The poor girl.

And another:

Can anything top Professor I. Metin Kunt, who was visiting at Yale when I was an undergrad there?  When we saw his name listed in the Blue Book course guide, we were sure it was a joke. But no: here’s a current link to an online sales page for one of his books, with his name on the cover.  Was “Ibrahim” so toxic that he had to shorten it to “I”?

Last but certainly not least:

I’m sure I’m not the only baseball fan reading this thread who thought of the Detroit Tiger pitcher Doug Fister, who was obtained two years ago from Seattle in exchange for another pitcher named Charlie Furbush. It is now referred to, whenever possible, as the Fister-Furbush trade.