2013 Hathos Alert Nominees

The Hathos Alert is for those moments when you want to look away but cannot. Hathos is the attraction to something you really can’t stand; it’s the compulsion of revulsion.

Below are the finalists we’ve selected for the Hathos Alert Of The Year, please review them and then vote for your favorite at the bottom of the page.


 

1) “Jews Can’t Stop” Miley Cover:

 


 

2) Honest Trailer for The Walking Dead


 


 

3) Chez-Zam Corporate Party

Ghoul Skool captions the corporate event promo:

Want to have your husband groped by grown up theater kids all night?  Want to be forced to participate in various corporate themed dance numbers?  Want to know what it’s like at an [Everything Is Terrible!] live show?  Let CHEZ-ZAM take control of your fantarealms and hyperscapes! This has been in my collection for quite some time now, and I hold it very near and dear to my heart.  It is everything I want in a live event.  Period.

 


 

4) Indian Movie Phone Conversation

Gabe says, “There have been many phone conversations in many movies over the years, but it is widely agreed that this is the very best one”:


 


 

5) Sexist Coffee Commercials

Dan Colman captions:

Shaun Clayton got into the spirit, took a series of 1950’s and 60’s-era coffee commercials from the [Prelinger] Archives … and “edited them down to just the moments when the guys were the biggest jerks to their wives about coffee.” The point of the exercise, I’d like to think, wasn’t just to show men being jerks for the sake of it, but to throw into stark relief the disturbing attitudes coursing through American advertising and culture during that era. And nothing accomplishes that better than mashing up the scenes, placing them side by side, showing them one after another. It gives a clear historical reality to views we’ve seen treated artistically in shows like Mad Men.

 


 

6) Kid With Parents In Green Screen

We’ve all been there, little buddy:

(Hat tip: Gabe)
 


 

7) NetForce Supercut

Chris Sims revisits the 1999 made-for-TV movie NetForce:

You know that stereotype about older people and computers, how they use Internet Explorer with 26 toolbars and make phone calls to their kids for step-by-step instructions on how to log into Facebook? If you took that exact person and asked them to write a three-and-a-half hour movie about cybercops who battled Internet crime, you would still end up with something that had a slightly better grasp of technology than NetForce.

Based on a series of novels by 132-year-old writer Tom Clancy, NetForce follows the adventures of Alex Michaels (Scott Bakula), who takes charge of the FBI’s NetForce division in the not-too-distant future of 2005, a time when “technology has outstripped our morality.” Michaels is something of a loose cannon, to the point where he even goes so far as to time-jump an e-warrant that he got from a virtual courtroom — and I swear that these are actually things grown-ups were paid to say to each other while standing in front of cameras — but he gets the job when his boss, Kris Kristofferson, “one of the major architects of the internet,” is assassinated.

Money quote from the video compilation seen above:

The problem is, the whole cyberuniverse is expanding so fast that any kid who can hyperlink a GIF is a webmaster nowadays!

 


 

8) Malkin’s Liberal Dances

Michelle serves Michelle:


 


 

9) Poor Rich People

Hathos_Alert_1.17

David Atkins plays the world’s smallest violin:

So this is apparently a real thing from the Wall Street JournalThe Onion couldn’t top this. Whether it’s the sad faces of all these put-upon dejected rich people, or the elderly minority couple who is depressed despite not paying extra taxes (or was that the point?), or the distressed single Asian lady making $230,000 who might not be able to buy that extra designer pantsuit this year, or the “single mother” making $260,000 whose kids presumably have a deadbeat, indigent dad just like any other poor family, or that struggling family of six making $650,000 including $180,000 of pure passive income and wondering how to make ends meet, mockery is almost superfluous. The thing mocks itself.

 


 

10) Obamacare Young People Ads

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Noah Rothman flags a “fabulously cringe-inducing” series of ads to raise awareness about the ACA among young people. And no, it’s not a parody:

Got Insurance is a project of the Thanks Obamacare campaign, created by the Colorado Consumer Health Initiative and ProgressNow Colorado Education to educate everyone about the benefits of the Affordable Care Act.

 


Vote Here:

Hathos Alert archive here. Last year’s winner here. Awards Glossary here. Vote for the rest of our 2013 awards below:

Chart Of The Year
Cool Ad Of The Year
Dick Morris Award
Face Of The Year
Hewitt Award
Malkin Award
Mental Health Break Of The Year
Moore Award
Poseur Alert Of The Year
Window View Of The Year
Yglesias Award