Hathos Alert Of The Year Nominees – 2014

Hathos Alerts are for moments when you want to look away but cannot. Hathos is the attraction to something you really can’t stand; it’s the compulsion of revulsion. Below are the finalists we’ve selected for the Hathos Alert Of The Year, please review them and then vote for your favorite at the bottom of the page.


 

1) The Flaming Sledgehammer Of Justice:

An epic ad for a lawyer – and major hathos material. Deadspin puts it this way:

This is without a doubt the most metal commercial for a personal injury lawyer of all time. Oh, the ambulance chaser in your town has some iMovie effects and a nice suit? Jamie Casino’s got murder, vengeance, and a flaming sledgehammer. Welcome to Casino’s Law, hold on to your fucking dicks.


 

2) Jesus Thinks You’re Fat:

And some inspiration for Cartman’s next Faith + 1 album:

Update from a reader:

It was shocking to see that mashup of Gwen Shamblin, CEO of the Weigh Down Workshop. Around 2000, she founded her own church, the Remnant Fellowship, made up of hardcore adherents of her weight-loss program. It operates like a classic religious cult, using information, emotion, and behavior control to keep members in the group. Many families have been broken up over these beliefs. I know because my wife and myself were very nearly drawn into this group and then spent years helping and counseling ex-members who had been damaged by these crazy, legalistic beliefs. And of course, the legalistic focus on food intake turns into a legalistic focus on all other behaviors by which a believer can be judged, including child discipline. You can see a few ex-member testimonies here.


 

3) American Blogger:

This trailer for an amateur documentary called American Blogger could be renamed Dude In An RV Interviews Hot Chicks Across America. Seriously, every single blogger he films is an attractive woman:

A reader adds:

According to its own voiceover, this is the greatest documentary of all time.


 

4) The Social Media Song:

Just delete your Twitter account now, will you?


 

5) Humanitarians Of Tinder:

The new tumblr Humanitarians On Tindr:

humanitarians-of-tindr


 

6) MoDo Tries Weed:

“Then I felt a scary shudder go through my body and brain. I barely made it from the desk to the bed, where I lay curled up in a hallucinatory state for the next eight hours. I was thirsty but couldn’t move to get water. Or even turn off the lights. I was panting and paranoid, sure that when the room-service waiter knocked and I didn’t answer, he’d call the police and have me arrested for being unable to handle my candy. I strained to remember where I was or even what I was wearing, touching my green corduroy jeans and staring at the exposed-brick wall. As my paranoia deepened, I became convinced that I had died and no one was telling me. And then I wrote a column on Hillary,” – Maureen Dowd, almost.

On a more serious note, it has long since seemed to me to be reckless to have edible candy pot so readily available. It can entice children unless it’s kept in a very secure place; dosage can be much harder to gauge; and strength impossible to predict, especially for newbies like MoDo who are dumb enough to scarf a bunch without thinking too much. I have absolutely no objections to tightening up regulation of edibles considerably.


 

7) Standing With Hillary:

I think I’ll stay sitting down, thank you very much. But is this an indication that the Clintons will pivot toward those white working class voters turned off by the Obama years?


Vote Here:

Browse our complete Hathos Alert archive here. Last year’s winner is here.  Polls will close on Wednesday, December 31, at midnight. Winners will be announced soon after. Be sure to vote for the rest of our 2014 awards below:

Please note: due to there not being enough nominees this year, we will not be issuing a 2014 Hewitt Award, Moore Award, or Dick Morris Award. Learn more about all our awards here.