A reader writes:
Enough of the judgment from your readers: a well-considered decision to bring either an adopted or biological child into a family is a highly personal one, and the idea that it is well-considered is the important part. I appreciated the candor of your reader who had 11 miscarriages; her perception that an adopted child may be more risky or difficult to parent may or may not be correct, but if it gives her pause or causes her to think deeply about why she wants to be a parent and what her coping skills realistically are, that is a good thing. It is far better than someone whose romanticized view of adoption – as a selfless act that is all about giving a child a family, not giving a family a child – leads them into a situation they cannot cope with.
Sometimes, perhaps a decision to hold out for a same-race child may signal that a person has gotten in touch with some hard truths about themselves and is simply being honest about what they think they are equipped for. I am not sure they should be made to justify the decision or cover it up with a lie.