The thread suddenly gets very popular:
As a women, I can attest that when you become the penetrator rather than the penetratee, EVERYTHING changes. I had no idea how much of my sexual experience was defined and limited by my "catcher" position until I played "pitcher" for the first time. A turn off? Try major, major turn on. The power, the control, the mind-blowing amazement that you are actually inside another person's body – no wonder men love it so much! (And, no wonder they don't want to consider playing the other position.)
Another writes:
To the reader who claims that ass-play is a turn-off to women: I respectfully disagree. My girlfriend may be an outlier, but boy, what an outlier!
I interrupt this email to warn readers that things get pretty graphic from here on out, so if you don't want to read further, do not click "Read On".
She broached the subject shyly at first, but when I didn't object, we entered in a full out RJ (rim job) love fest. Post-shower, she is liable to pin me down and go to town. And I quite like it. Never thought I would, never dreamed of RJs, but I do.
Another not so much:
Speaking as a straight, married guy who is into anal play, I've only had three serious relationships, and in one of them, my girlfriend was not only turned on but willing and happy to involve anal play in our relationship and moments in which we did remain some of my fondest sexual memories. That girlfriend and I split up ten years ago, and since that time I've married my wonderful wife. She isn't willing, at this time, to use anal play in our relationship, however. I keep hoping that one day things will change, but until then, we humans have invented a number of ways to self-pleasure …
Aaand another:
Not to be too blunt about it, but if there's one good way to examine the sexual id of the average American straight male, it's by what's currently popular in porn. And that's where things get really weird, really fast. There are more and more scenes nowadays featuring what's referred to as "DPP" or "DAP"; i.e., two penises at the same time in the same woman's vagina or – for the real circus-act fans – anus. But let a porn director throw in some footage of a guy getting his butt fingered by a woman, and he'll get a huge backlash from fans about how "gay" that is.
So, just to sum up:
Rubbing your penis against another man's penis until you both ejaculate = totally straight
Having a beautiful woman finger your butt = totally gay
Don't forget DVDA. One more reader:
Oh, jeez, I guess I'm going to respond to this even though I'm not anonymous to you, Andrew. I am counting on the fact that you probably have other semi- or truly-famous devotees who have – in a moment of Dish-inspired candor – told you intimate details of their personal lives.
I'm sure it's true that many men don't want to admit to themselves they enjoy anal stimulation/penetration. Remember the Sex in the City episode where Miranda got into talking dirty with her boyfriend and learned that the one thing she couldn't say was "you like a finger in your ass when you come?" And I guess it's probably true that some guys who do engage in it are into submission. But I doubt that what's going on for most of them. It just feels good, you know? Incidentally, biology pretty much makes bottoms of women … does this make us all into submission? I would say no.
But there's hope for your reader – and I bet Dan Savage would confirm this. (Tell your readers to check out this old installment of Savage Love.) There are plenty of nice girls like me who are willing to peg their guys, and plenty of guys like my husband who have no hangup about being on the receiving end.
Besides, your reader is misinformed. Women don't have to "get all up in there" – there are perfectly washable dildos for that. And any mild aversion to the butt is more than superseded by what a turn on is to watch your straight mate learn what gays have known all along – how mind-blowing pegging feels (especially when she gives you a BJ at the same time). My husband is very grateful and eager to reciprocate in any way he can.
The Dish 