A reader writes:
Thanks for pointing out that LGBT as an acronym refers to so much that it refers to nothing. And I totally do think that there are a large number of “closeted bisexuals” out there, if you define “bisexuality” as anyone who has had a same-sex experience and enjoyed it. That describes me perfectly. I date women, and am romantically interested only in women. I don’t even like sex with men 1-on-1. But sometimes I do see a guy and think he’d be fun to share a girl with, and sometimes in the heat of an encounter like that, I want to play with him directly as well. And I do. And I like it. And nobody in my life, not my family or closest friends, knows that about me.
Here’s the thing, though: I’m not “closeted”.
At least, not in the way a gay kid in Arkansas with an abusive, redneck father is “closeted”. My family consists of hippie liberals from the Pacific Northwest. They’d probably be thrilled that I was so open and free, especially since I’m probably still going to marry a girl someday. I don’t tell anyone because whom I fuck and how is my own business and nobody else’s. I don’t need support. I don’t want to be part of a sexual community. I just want to do what I want to do and not get any shit about it, which is 100% possible if I just keep it to myself.
I get the sense that there are TONS of people out there like me. Most of the guys I’ve been with are also in relationships with women, and “identify”, so far as they need to, as straight. I messed around with several guys in high school who are married with kids. I also knew TONS of women in college who drunkenly messed around with their friends sometimes, and are now married to guys. Are all of these people bisexual? Or is it more likely that any set of letters and specific categories cannot describe the fluidity of a human’s sexuality over time? I’d vote for the second.
This might make a good thread idea, no? Sort of a sexual “tales from the cannabis closet”. Just a thought. Thanks for airing such a frank discussion.