HOLY ROLLER

One small irony of John Ashcroft’s speech at Bob Jones University is the fact that the Fundamentalists at B.J.U. are as hostile to Pentecostalism as they are to Catholicism. Why would they honor someone who, in their view, upholds near-Satanic practices such as speaking in tongues? Perhaps for the same reason they honored Patrick Buchanan, a fervent disciple of the ‘Whore of Babylon,’ as the BJU-ers charmingly call the Catholic Church. Perhaps BJU a) doesn’t really believe all that crazy stuff on its website or b) thinks the political benefits of advancing people like Ashcroft and Buchanan outweigh the danger of consorting with the devil. If a) I’m relieved. If b) I’m disturbed. What’s the use of crazy Fundamentalists if they’re not consistent and unrelenting? Have they succumbed to post-modern doubt like the rest of us? Say it ain’t so, Bob! I’m a traditional kind of guy in this respect. To paraphrase Homer Simpson, I like my beer cold, my homosexuals flaming and my bigots crazed and consistent. Is that too much to ask?