One of the joys of British journalism is the work of Craig Brown. He’s Tina’s brother, I think, and he’s got her talent – but in a different form. He writes a lot for Private Eye, the satirical bi-weekly which has so influenced British journalism (and was one of the inspirations for the Dish). It’s like the Onion, only makes fun of elites more than ordinary people. Here’s Brown’s spoof of a diary written by Her Majesty the Queen. (Now that would be a great blog, wouldn’t it? E2R.com.) I guess some of you might not get it (it helps having been subjected to endless prose about the monarchy over the years), but I thought it was a hilarious and brilliant insight into the sheer middle-class tedium that is the essence of the modern monarchy. Anyway, here’s an extract fom the Queen’s Diary:
Monday.
In the evening, Edward and his wife arrive. We all shake hands.
She has fair hair.
“Hello, mummy,” he says, “We were just passing so we thought we’d just drop by to say hello.”
I say hello.
“Hello,” says his wife.
“You remember Sophie, of course,” says Edward.
“Of course,” I say, making her feel at home. “Have you come far?”…
Tuesday.
I receive my Prime Minister, a Mr. Blair. He informs me of his plans for revitalizing the National Health and modernising the railway system.
“This is all very interesting indeed,” I say.
“Thank you,” he says.
“You’ve obviously put a tremendous amount of thought into it,” I say.
“Yes,” he says.
“Railways are still very popular,” I tell him. “They are particularly useful if people want to get from A to B and for one reason or another they don’t have a driver. “
“You’ve hit the nail on the head,” he says.
After fifty years as their monarch, I have a wealth of knowledge and experience to offer my prime ministers… I have had quite a number of prime ministers during the course of my reign. One of them was a woman. The others were men…
Wednesday.
This evening, my son Andrew turns up. He is divorced. “I was just passing by so I thought I’d just pop in to say hello,” he says.
“Have you been waiting long?” I say, setting him at his ease. “Have you done this sort of thing before? Keep you busy, do they?”
No wonder Margaret drank a couple of bottles of vodka a day.
The Dish 