“Lutheran Minister Arrested On Charges Of Boring Young Children
PERU, IL- St. Luke’s Lutheran Church was rocked by scandal Tuesday, when Rev. Bob Tillich, the church’s pastor of 12 years, was arrested on suspicion of boring as many as 23 children within the congregation. “Reverend Bob always seemed like the sweetest man,” parishioner Vera Crandall said following the arrest. “When my son said he made him watch three 1975 filmstrips about the suffering of Job, I was shocked.” In the wake of the arrest, seven former Sunday-school students, dating as far back as 1989, have stepped forward with charges that Tillich subjected them to inappropriately tedious parables.” – from – where else? – the Onion.
THE CURE FOR GAY PRIESTS: One wacky right-wing Catholic suggests the real problem is that straight Catholics haven’t been told firmly enough they need to stop using contraception:
The fact that this crisis for Catholicism revolves around sexual misconduct is not coincidental either. For too long Catholic pastors have given lip service to the more controversial Church teachings on sexual behavior while quietly tolerating the violation of those norms. Most prelates have chosen to ignore the abundant evidence that many Catholic married couples use contraceptives and that many Catholic priests are active homosexuals. The gross inconsistency between public teaching and private practice has given rise to a culture of hypocrisy and secret vice.
That’s a warning to the straight people struggling to make sense of the Church’s teachings on sexual morality: you’re next, guys. Even if we have to empty the pews completely to make our point.
The Dish 