Andrew Stuttaford has bravely roiled the waters at National Review and seesthe positive side of same-sex marriage. He takes on the Stanley Kurtz notion that gay men are incapable of monogamy and therefore should be barred from marrying (except marrying women, of course, where their ability to be monogamous would be even more sorely tested. Go figure.). Andrew asks whether the sex lives of gay men, given that they have never been given any social support for their relationships, should be directly compared to straight men who live in a culture which has actively endorses monogamous marriage for generations. Good point. Imagine for a moment if heterosexual marriage didn’t exist; if there were no legal commitments for a husband or a wife; no social cost to adultery; no enforceable legal responsibility for children; and so on. What do you think would happen to male heterosexual promiscuity? Of course it would soar. And if some heterosexual men, in that context, decided that they wanted to affirm monogamy, do you think conservatives would tell them to get lost? Or describe their aspirations as somehow socially destructive? Of course not. But some far-righters simply don’t seem to think of gay people as human beings like everyone else, susceptible to social norms and pressures and incentives.
LESBIAN MARRIAGE AS THE NORM: One other point: in Vermont, which is our best case study for something like gay marriage, two-thirds of civil unions are between two women. In other words, lesbian marriage will almost certainly be the most common form of gay marriage. And most lesbians are more monogamous than most heterosexuals. So the institution of same-sex marriage could well increase the monogamous nature of marriage as an institution. Conservative critics never seem to consider the lesbian angle – and I guess you can see why. In the decade-long campaign within the gay community to elevate the issue of marriage, I found lesbians to be more supportive than many gay men. In fact, I think a lot of gay men will decide not to marry; but those who do are likely to take it seriously, and so further tilt the norm in gay culture toward conservative values. Many of the left recognize this, which is why so many opposed gay marriage for so long. But the far right still prefers to see nothing but catastrophe. That’s their fear speaking, I think; not their rationality.
The Dish 