THE GAY SIMPSONS

Could it be Chief Wiggum? The evidence is out there, a reader informs me:

From the Beer Baron episode:

Banner (Robert Stack-like incoming police chief): Well, what are you waiting for? Somebody to kiss you goodbye?
Wiggum (wistfully): Well… no, no, no… I guess not…

From the episode where Ned’s wife dies:

(Homer prepares a video promoting Ned Flanders’ availability:)
Homer: But don’t take my word for it. Listen to this testimonial.
Wiggum: [on tape] Oh I would date Ned in a second if I was a woman or gay. He looks like a cuddler, that Ned. I, I like that. I like to be held, I like to be pampered.

From the Marge on the lam episode:

Wiggum: Aw, just get one of those inflatable women. But make sure it’s a woman, though, because one time I … heh.

And wiggum, of course, is a trendy homo: he’s a bear! Some Simpsons enthusiast has even put together all the gay references in the series. You can find it here. For the record, it’s probably Patty Bouvier.