EMAIL OF THE DAY

“You are very civil and I read your blog a lot. I am not so civil but I am a fast learner and you’re a good teacher.
Take the discussion about gay marriage, for example. I love the Milton quote, the debate with the Blankenhorn dude, all the power of reason pointing towards a civil discussion with bright, but bigoted opponents. While I tore up the streets with the rest of them in the late ’80s in the most urgent days of gay/AIDS activism, I have a strong predilection for your approach in this matter. It was all about life and death then, now it’s about life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.
My only quibble is, actually, with Milton, who elevates companionship above the rest in his analysis of marriage. This is where my experience of gay civil union departs from his ideal and I suspect that it holds true for many gay men. My thoughts on this matter were formed at an impressionable age by reading crazy ass Paglia’s book ‘Sexual Personae’, wherein she identifies hardcore gay male sexuality as being primarily defined by libido unhindered by social constraint (marriage, female ‘civilizing’ influence). Of course, that presupposes that all gay men are hung, horny, masculine types like myself and my partner.
There are, of course, all shades of masculinity and femininity in all gay men, so the principle suffers in translation to the more various aspects of our identities. But I have spent 5 years with the same guy, no cheating on my part and I doubt on his, and staunchly believe that the solid core of our union is the intense fucking. Sorry, we do other things as well like travel, cooking, affection, music and AA meetings. If the sex was not fulfilling, I doubt we would be monogamous, which I define as a requirement for proper marriage.”