Backlashlash?

Dale Carpenter thinks Prop 8’s passage is stalling the momentum of marriage equality in New York and DC. There will, almost certainly, be a pause. But I don’t see this as fatal or even that troubling. We have marriage rights in Connecticut and Massachusetts, and thousands of married couples in California. The backlash against those couples has prompted its own backlash-lash in defense of them. The impact of seeing thousands of married men and women split up in the law and the dignity of their marriages invalidated by a large majority is real. Watching a tiny minority get trashed by a majority is always a critical element in civil rights struggles. And if the gay movement is a moral movement at its core, if our goal is to speak to the truth of our lives regardless of the consequences, losing is not the worst thing that can happen. Winning illegitimately or prematurely could be worse.

As the dust of Prop 8 recedes, I find myself more committed than ever to making the case for marriage equality as often as I can and to try and live the change I want to see in the world. I think many many more gay people feel the same way. This is what matters, in the end. And as we win the argument, and as the next generation comes of age, we will win democratic victories. We have already won in two states. We have proven the principle. Allowing the polity to digest this, and using every defeat as an educational tool, is not going backwards. It is the fitful, messy process of moving forward in a democracy where everybody gets a say. I’d rather lose and live in such a democracy than win by violating it.