This story is almost Onion-like in its poignancy:
Palatine Township Republican Committeeman Gary Skoien denies he was with two prostitutes when police say his wife attacked him early Sunday morning. … "No money was exchanged. Nobody was naked," Skoien, 55, said… According to police accounts, Eni Skoien, a homemaker, discovered her husband and the two women when she came home around 1:15 a.m. Sunday. She told police she became enraged and hit her husband with a closed fist and several times with a toy guitar.
The Dish 