Many more readers are sounding off. One writes:
I was content to leave this topic alone, but with the email from your reader who exhorts the joys of being The Fun Aunt, along with your comments on the matter, have spurred me to wander into the fray. I wonder if the childless out there know that we, the parents of your beloved nieces and nephews, sometimes feel a sense of loss when you decide not to have any children.
My husband and I are the oldest of all our siblings, and have recently found out that we are never going to have the chance to be Aunt and Uncle. I was surprised to find myself shedding tears when I heard the news. I had looked forward to being an aunt for the same reasons you and some of your readers have suggested: to spoil our nieces and nephews a little, teach them things, take them places their parents might not have. Parents don't always have the luxury of doing these things – or, if so, they're drowned out in the day to day thankless and routine parts of parenting.
While I would never say that anyone should have kids to give me something in my life, and think that the "to have or not to have" question remains deeply personal, I wanted to let you know that some of us parents aren't jealous that you have freedom, or a better job, or a better sex life … we're just a little sad for what we see as a missed opportunity.
Another writes:
The notion that the childless by choice tend to be introverts and "planners" hits home with me. I have encountered many, many strange and irritating reactions to the decision of my wife and me not to have children. But none is more insulting – or frankly, common – than the insinuation that we haven't thought it through.
"Who will care for you when you are older?" "Aren't you afraid of being old and alone?" To which the only honest answers are, respectively, "I don't know," and "who isn't?" regardless of whether one has children or not. No one knows whether the baby you have now will be able (or willing) to be your caretaker 30 or 40 years hence. Moreover, this seems a particularly selfish reason to bring a child into the world.
Another:
I have a problem with idea that married couples who choose not to have children are the only kind of people who "think before they act." This is a little arrogant and condescending. I am a new father of a one-month-old daughter. Did I weigh heavily the responsibilities of being a parent, and the freedoms of not being a parent? Of course. Did I consider the economic and social impact my decision to have a child would have on me and my family. Of course I did.
By all means people should be free to be married and not have children. But to classify those people as individuals who think more deeply than those who decide to have children or as having a special ability to avoid being "led into a conventional life" (whatever that means) is bullshit. We all can think deeply. And we can all feel a reward and enjoyment in our lives based on the decisions we make. I thought long and hard with my wife about having a child. My life is so different and much more rich because I am now a father. It was the best deep thought I've had.
Another:
You said, "But I got to leave and merely enjoy this kid after a few hours, not stay and take care of him, or to endure a week of his sickness, or a minute of his nightly cries."
Ah, but you see, that's one of the things that makes having children so great: there is nothing I've ever experienced in my life quite like the feeling when I lay in bed with one of my boys when they've got a spiking fever. I know there isn't anyone else in the world (besides my wife) that they'd rather be with at that moment. The fact that I can be that for them is just a thrilling feeling.
I tell people all the time that I love my wife in ways that are deep and profound, but the love I have for my children is just on a whole other level. And I didn't know until I had them.
One more:
I am 34 and single and will likely never have children of my own. In the last ten years, however, I have fostered a little boy who is now 15 and an integral part of my life; I worked full-time at a homeless shelter with the children who lived there; I led a church youth group; and I have been able to open my door to several teenage mothers, be it for a weekend or for a month, to teach them how to parent their newborns.
I figured out a while ago that I could either be absorbed in two or three children of my own, or I could be the adult who stands in the gap for a larger number of inadequately parented children, being the adult they need to demonstrate love, discipline and loyalty. I have chosen the latter and never regretted it.

