Month: June 2011

Zuckerberg's site lost nearly 6 million American users last month, along with 1.52 million Canadians and hundreds of thousands in the UK, Norway, and Russia (though made some gains elsewhere). The Week floats four theories, including "This is just a temporary dip":

"Seasonal changes like college graduations, and other short-term factors, can influence numbers month to month and obscure what's really happening," says Eric Eldon at Inside Facebook. These May figures are certainly intriguing, but let's not overreact. The long-term trends are the ones that really matter.

Mike Masnick lays out the advantages of ditching legacy business models:

Big companies often get stagnant, focusing less on innovation and more on protecting a market. In the Clayton Christensen world of the Innovator's Dilemma, they focus on incremental innovations and market protectionism. And, as Andy Kessler noted in his most recent book, the innovators, who get around those things and unleash value, are often derided as thieves and criminals for undermining established business models. But what comes out of those upstart efforts is, generally, much better for the consumer. And, on top of that, the collapse of those big firms often allows many of the folks, who did have good ideas and knowledge within those firms, to spread out and to join the more innovative upstarts, which will actually implement and execute on those good ideas, rather than be stymied by bosses who don't want to undercut the old business models.

Among the activities:

Starting in an austere room where they are made to sit quietly, symbolizing Europe, the children will pass through an obstacle course to arrive at a brightly decorated party room (the New World). Red-white-and-blue confetti will be thrown. But afterward the kids will have to clean up the confetti, learning that with freedom comes responsibility.

(Hat tip: Digby)

In response to calls for universal preschool, E.D. Kain recommends vouchers:

[T]here is already a pretty solid system of private preschools and it would be enormously expensive to try to crowd these out with new public preschools. Since the infrastructure already exists, it makes more sense to give low-income families preschool vouchers to attend private preschools. It would be cheaper and it would result in less segregation by income.

Today on the Dish, Douthat corralled Weiner in with Spitzer and Schwarzenegger, Andrew argued that nude photos don't constitute a fringe activity or a crime, and explained why play (even silly or unsafe play) is essential to human civilization. Andrew responded to readers on Palin's prescient pregnancy, and even Trignostic Joe McGinniss wavered.

The GOP candidates still couldn't acknowledge gays (or immigrants) as part of the American family, and outed themselves as more of a church than a party. We sized up the Bachmann bubble, dusted off the crystal ball for 2012, channeled the donor mindset, and remembered the beginning of the end with the Terri Schiavo case. A better budget deficit helps the investment market, tort reform couldn't solve the healthcare conundrum, and you can calculate the cost of your vacation (in money, time and carbon) here. Chuck Klosterman disapproved of DVR'd sports, The Voice welcomed the gays more than American Idol, headline news gave us headaches, Conan advised the graduates, and this post on suicide and depression broke our hearts.

The male "gay girl in Damascus" flirted with another male posing as a lesbian online, the US couldn't do much more for Syria, and accountability may be on the horizon for war crimes at Abu Ghraib. Americans supported Obama's take on Israel, but his unchecked use of drone warfare in Yemen doesn't bode well for curbing future war powers. Afghanistan's economy remained vulnerable as we prepare to pull out, the US stood tall as the only country still armed for the Cold War, and Don Gomez urged us to reserve the title "Hero" for those who actually earn it.

Quotes for the day here, here and here, dissents of the day here, MHB here, FOTD here, VFYW here and contest winner #54 here.

–Z.P.

A reader writes:

I have been reading this thread with a lot of interest because, while I am not currently planning suicide, I expect to in the near future. I am 35 years old, and I have been suffering from severe depression for almost 10 years. I’ve started to write to you on this subject several times but kept deleting the emails because the best way I’ve learned to cope with the depression is to put all of my energy into keeping thoughts of it out of my head. For me, that means finding a way to make sure my brain is constantly occupied from the time I wake up in the morning until the time when I am exhausted enough to fall asleep. If I allow my mind to wander it will eventually wander into negative thoughts. Like it’s doing now. It was definitely a mistake to write this but what the fuck.

I don’t want to depress or bore you with all of the details, but once it became obvious that I was depressed, I did begin regular visits with a psychiatrist and a therapist.

I’ve been through at least two dozen medications and finally found a combination that at least helps to dull the pain. Therapy seemed more promising. My therapist told me to trust him and to be honest, and if I did so he promised that I would get better. I had hope. I was not promised an instant cure, I knew it would take time. But over the years I never lost that hope that things would eventually get better, even if I was eventually thinking in terms of years instead of months. But I had complete faith. Not blind faith, but the faith that comes from knowing that I was working with a professional who was trained for this and had over 40 years of experience.

I’m telling you this because people always seem to assume that someone suffering from depression hasn’t tried therapy or medication. The other thing they tend to say is “Don’t lose hope”. My hope was crushed in May when my therapist stopped taking my visits. No explanation was offered.

This was actually something I had gotten used to. I had gradually lost all of my friends over the years since I fell into this depression. It always followed a similar pattern. I hadn’t heard from this friend in months. I asked if I had done something, if he/she was upset with me. No, there was nothing wrong and hey, how about we get lunch? Then it’s back to unreturned voicemails and emails, or I’m busy, but I’ll call you next week. Maybe I had the wrong friends. Maybe a better friend would have stayed with me. There were longtime friends though, one of whom had been my best friend since the first grade. I don’t blame them. It may not have even been a conscious decision on their part. The fact is, most people don’t want to be around someone who is suffering from serious depression. One of your readers suggested that our lives belong to society, but I find that impossible to accept. It would probably be a better world if everyone treated each others’ problems with the same concern that they treat their own, but that’s not the world we live in and it’s unrealistic to expect most people to act that way.

That point was driven home today. After being abandoned by my therapist I realized that the only way I could continue was to give up all hope and accept my situation. This is not the feeling of hopelessness that many people, even those not suffering from chronic depression, may have experienced – the sudden irrational feeling of hopelessness. I’ve experienced that many times and I expect that to continue. It is nearly unbearable and it can last for weeks, but it does eventually pass. I accepted a calm, rational, knowing of hopelessness. But I live with my parents and my mom, who I know loves me and cares very much for me, was not willing to accept that hopelessness. She eventually encouraged me to go to a community organization that offers help for people with mental illness.

I went to my first meeting on Tuesday. I didn’t talk, except when the group leader asked the new people what brought us here. Today the group leader called and asked me politely if I would please not return next week, that I was bringing the other members down, and that perhaps I would be better off finding another group. So yeah, I went to a support group for people with depression and I managed to bring them down. So I’d really rather not hear that I need to be hopeful, or not lose hope, or whatever people like to say.

Yes, I realize that it’s not literally hopeless. There may be someone somewhere who can help me. But as I have no money, income or insurance and am being supported by parents who would be struggling financially even if they didn’t have to support me, I am as close to hopeless as I can imagine. So tell me why I am going to be forced to administer my own suicide, risking a failed attempt that leaves me brain damaged, when there are doctors and drugs that could do the job painlessly and effectively? Why will I be forced to do it in secret? Not that it wouldn’t still be painful to them, but wouldn’t it be better if I could openly discuss my decision with the few people that still care about me and give them a chance to prepare? Why is it okay to put someone out of their physical pain but not their mental pain? Why should it be reserved for the terminally ill when we are all terminal? Is there something special about knowing what the cause of death will be?

I’m sorry for sending you this.

Our reader wrote another email recently:

I’m happy for Rob Horning’s ability to much risk of saying something clumsily or at the wrong time. But there’s a flip side to  that. It’s at least possible to convince oneself that a mildly inappropriate or awkward statement spoken aloud will pass unnoticed or be quickly forgotten. Anything you put on Facebook is there forever. That is a horrifying thought.

Being given time to carefully choose your words is not always a good thing. I started writing this almost two hours ago, frequently re-reading the linked article, checking Wikipedia, Wiktionary, and a thesaurus all to make sure that this won’t end up as an embarrassment to me. I’m still not certain I will send it. What if I check the Dish later tonight to find this letter under the heading Poseur Alert?!?

Plus there’s no privacy. I’m not referring to the privacy concerns most people talk about regarding Facebook. I’m talking about the fact that if I put a message on someone’s Facebook page, it’s exposed to all of their friends (I assume so, anyway – I’ve never actually dared to try it). Most of those people are complete strangers to me. At a social gathering, at least I know that anything I say will only be heard by the people in my immediate vicinity.

I momentarily reactivated my account, which I finally decided to deactivate a couple of weeks ago, so that you could see what a shy person’s Facebook page looks like. Notice the lack of a picture, a total of 16 friends, and 12 unanswered friend or group requests of some kind. I opened the account three years ago. Please, for the love of all that is good, do not post this image anywhere online.

Edited and posted with permission.

Robin Hanson contemplates its origin. His bottom-line:

We often give and consume advice more to affirm our ideals than to usefully improve decisions.

Don Gomez, a veteran of the Iraq War, thinks calling every soldier a hero "is unfair to the real heroes who accomplish extraordinary things":

I don’t feel comfortable being called a hero. In fact, my brow furrows and my mind sharpens when I hear it. Words matter, and “hero” is so loaded and used so frequently that it stands to lose its meaning altogether. Maybe this is just New York cynicism, but I know I’m not the only veteran who feels skeptical when he or she is placed in the hero bin along with every other service member from the past 10 years. I admire the fact that men and women with whom I served chose a dangerous profession for their country – often making the decision after 9/11. But, these are soldiers. Soldiers are human beings. There are good ones and bad ones. A few do amazing, heroic things. The rest do their jobs – incredible, unique jobs – but jobs, nonetheless. Some perform happily, others grudgingly. And I argue that most feel embarrassed when lauded as heroes.

From Conan's commencement speech to Dartmouth grads:

In 2000, I told graduates "Don't be afraid to fail." Well now I'm here to tell you that, though you should not fear failure, you should do your very best to avoid it. Nietzsche famously said "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But what he failed to stress is that it almost kills you. Disappointment stings and, for driven, successful people like yourselves it is disorienting. What Nietzsche should have said is "Whatever doesn't kill you, makes you watch a lot of Cartoon Network and drink mid-price Chardonnay at 11 in the morning." …

But then something spectacular happened.

Fogbound, with no compass, and adrift, I started trying things. I grew a strange, cinnamon beard. I dove into the world of social media. I started tweeting my comedy. I threw together a national tour. I played the guitar. I did stand-up, wore a skin-tight blue leather suit, recorded an album, made a documentary, and frightened my friends and family. Ultimately, I abandoned all preconceived perceptions of my career path and stature and took a job on basic cable with a network most famous for showing reruns, along with sitcoms created by a tall, black man who dresses like an old, black woman. I did a lot of silly, unconventional, spontaneous and seemingly irrational things and guess what: with the exception of the blue leather suit, it was the most satisfying and fascinating year of my professional life. To this day I still don't understand exactly what happened, but I have never had more fun, been more challenged—and this is important—had more conviction about what I was doing.

Video of the speech here. Photo of blue leather-clad Conan via Tumblr user Sharpy Toe.