by Bruce Bawer
Reflections from a conservative friend of mine, who seven years ago travelled to Siberia with his wife to adopt a little boy, and who a couple of days ago heard a New Jersey preacher on the radio slamming New York’s gay marriage law:
His main point of contention was that gay marriage was more about pushing a larger agenda than the gay marriage itself, i.e. teaching a liberal/gay agenda to kids in school … he seemed to have a big beef against adoption for gay couples, and specifically mentioned adoption of black kids by white, same-sex couples. He mentioned higher suicide rates among gays….
I can tell you that at the time we adopted P. (2004), the suicide rate among orphans in Russia was somewhere around TWENTY-FIVE PERCENT ….To argue against adoption by any stable, loving couple because the child's life could theoretically, statistically be worse if they grew "confused" over their gay parentage and personal sexuality, is not only ignorant, it goes against the fact that a loving home will always, 100% of the time, be better than institutional care or group foster care (or bad or neglectful birth parentage, for that matter). And my own personal observation as a parent is that one's sexual preferences are hardwired from birth anyway.
… Perhaps [the preacher] should check into the conditions at some of the institutional care provided in Newark and Paterson; better yet, perhaps he should spend a little time in a Siberian orphanage (more euphemistically known to Russians as "baby homes”), [where] most if not all of the children … had been diagnosed at the least with what P. had, "failure to thrive," the causes of which are not necessarily specifically identifiable, in a hard, scientific way. Most people would say "lack of love, lack of physical touching and closeness, lack of food and nutrition."… P. weighed 11 1/2 pounds at thirteen months. He was under the third percentile in every growth category. Born at a healthy weight, his graph on the growth chart at the 3-6 month phase was nearly a straight line down. If we had not brought him home when we did the damage, especially in terms of head circumference and therefore brain development, may have been irreversible.
As you know, at age seven P. is now completely healthy … Between the ages of one and two he essentially went through two years of development, including what he'd been denied the first year of his life. He's healthy because he got the hands-on care and love he craved, we pounded him with high-fat foods (which, given the current food police mentality, was in itself a delight). Because of his particular issues, I also started him with an emphasis on all things physical; a skater at 2 1/2, he started hockey at four and was the youngest player on the local "A" team last year. He's also wise beyond his years — serious and thoughtful about life and death issues, grounded in church, more patient and understanding in a crisis than I will ever be, soulful and mischievous, naturally musical, extreme in his passions, a student of people and a history buff to the extent that he did a school presentation on Lincoln and the Gettysburg address, and recently spent several days in a Union outfit on the battlefields of Gettysburg.
I say the above not to gloat that hey, I'm such a good parent or that he's a perfect kid… but to say we, like any loving couple (i.e. gay or straight), were able to provide for and nurture this child, who has his own distinctive life spirit, his own deep soul, and yes, his own hardwired predispositions…. There are so many kids out there with such urgent needs, it's hard to believe there are knowledgeable people in the clergy and elsewhere who would hold the question of potential "confusion" over one's sexuality, and the supposed, statistic possibility of leading an unhappier life as a gay person or as the child of a gay couple, against the prospect of gay adoption. He quite literally may be preventing a story similar to P.'s from happening. If he or anyone else does that even once it's a crime.
The Dish 