Photo caption from the "Shit My Kids Ruined" tumblr:
New tub of Desitin + new tub of Vaseline + new container of powder + extra long “nap” = reminder to get a tubal ligation
A reader writes:
No one is telling Ms. Olsen she has to have kids. Her doc is only telling her that, at 24, there is something to be said for sticking with reversible methods. (I wish someone would say the same to young people getting stupid tattoos.) Having been both 24 and 34, I will not say that everyone must or should have children, but I will say that the world can look very different to you ten years later, and closing off options unnecessarily is a darn shame.
Another offers some great advice:
Olsen can shut concerned people up by telling them that if she does change her mind, she can still have a baby even if she gets her tubes tied. In Vitro Fertilization (IVF) was developed specifically to help woman whose fallopian tubes were nonfunctional to get pregnant. It bypasses the tubes entirely and transfers a fertilized egg (or eggs) directly into the uterus. So if she has her tubes tied, and changes her mind, she can always undergo IVF. A pretty expensive form of birth control, but she can have her cake and eat it too.
Several other readers share their stories:
I totally understand what the young woman was saying about the difficulty in finding someone to tie her tubes. I had mine tied when I was 22; I'm now 55. I was able to find a doctor through Planned Parenthood. I was turned down by two doctors due to my age before I called PP. They referred me to a doctor in a large city a couple of hours from my home. Even so, I had a consult with him where I had to vigorously defend my position.
I was raised by an alcoholic mother and alcoholic stepfather and was terrified of being a bad parent and had no stable, loving parents (except those of my friends). I married at 19 and had a daughter when I was 20 and was terrified that I would really screw her up and sure didn't want to bring more children in the world.
As it turns out, I did a pretty good job of parenting and my daughter is currently expecting her first baby. She was in junior high when I went to college and high school when I went to law school. Despite all the odds, she and I both turned out pretty good.
Do I regret having my tubes tied in hindsight? Every once in a while I wonder what if, but I was very well aware of what I was doing, despite my young age. Would I do it again? Absolutely! I've spent most of my reproductive years not having to worry about contraception and side effects or "mistakes". Good luck with your doctor search, young lady. Young women are certainly capable of making a lifetime decision at that age and I'm sure you will find a doctor eventually.
A female reader writes:
My wife is 27. I am 47. At the time we got together, we both knew that we wouldn't have kids because frankly, I didn''t want school-aged children in my 50s. Three years ago, she got the first of three tumors in her ovaries. When we were discussing options, she wanted to get a hysterectomy but was told over and over again that she was too young and that she'd change her mind. Three operations and a hysterectomy later, she's been diagnosed with ovarian cancer.
Though it is a pointless exercise, both of us wonder that if the doctors had listened to us three years ago and let her have the hysterectomy then, would she be staring down the long tunnel of chemotherapy treatments now? All I can say is, if young women want to remove their uteruses, let them! There's tons of children in the world waiting to be adopted, if they ever change their minds.
Another:
Like Ms. Olsen, I've known all my life that I did not want kids – well, since the age of eight. My doctor gave me the same "pep talk" about tubal ligation at the age of thirty-three. So, I've been on the birth control pill for over 23 years; I can't fathom that much estrogen and/or prestogen hasn't hurt my body more than one surgery would have. I am, after all, the only one in my family with high blood pressure.
I'm married now. Both my husband and I are too comfortable with our lives (and a little too old at over 40) to have children. I am very much in love with him; I would have gone through pregnancy and childbirth for us, as an expression of our love. I never thought that sea-change was possible for me – something I my younger self could never have foreseen. Thankfully, my husband didn't see offspring as a "required" element for a happy, fulfilling life.
However, I do take comfort that there are "non-breeders" out there. We are becoming a bit more vocal in our choices, a bit more acceptable to others. (Even Helen Mirren recently was quoted as never having that biological urge.) Perhaps as a true feminism takes deeper root, in which women are seen fully as equals, the need to defend and justify one's "non-breeding" existence will disappear.
The Dish 