A First Class Problem, Ctd

No, Rumi was not a thirteenth century gangsta. I was only kidding. But the poem about the penis-shortening device to allow the well endowed to have sex without endangering their partners is worth reprinting … all the way to its excruciating end:

The Importance of Gourd Crafting

 

There was a maidservant

who had cleverly trained a donkey

to perform the services of a man.

 

From a gourd,

she had carved a flanged device

to fit on the donkey’s penis,

to keep him from going too far into her.

 

She had fashioned it just to the point

of her pleasure, and she greatly enjoyed

the arrangement, as often as she could!

 

She thrived, but the donkey was getting

a little thin and tired looking.

 

The mistress began to investigate.

One day she peeked through a crack in the door

and saw the animal’s marvelous member

and the delight of the girl

stretched under the donkey.

 

She said nothing. Later, she knocked on the door

and called the maid out on an errand,

a long and complicated errand.

I won’t go into details.

 

The servant knew what was happening, though.

“Ah, my mistress,” she thought to herself,

“you should not send away the expert.

When you begin to work without full knowledge,

you risk your life. Your shame keeps you

from asking me about the gourd, but you must

have that to join with this donkey.

There’s a trick you don’t know!”

But the woman was too fascinated with her idea

to consider any danger. She led the donkey in

and closed the door, thinking, “With no one around

I can shout in my pleasure.”

 

She was dizzy

with anticipation, her vagina glowing

and singing like a nightingale.

 

She arranged the chair under the donkey,

as she had seen the girl do. She raised her legs

and pulled him into her.

 

Her fire kindled more,

and the donkey politely pushed as she urged him to,

pushed through and into her intestines,

and, without a word, she died.

 

The chair fell one way,

and she the other.

 

The room was smeared with blood.

 

Reader,

have you ever seen anyone martyred

for a donkey? Remember what the Qur’an

says about the torment of disgracing yourself.

 

Don’t sacrifice your life to your animal-soul!

 

If you die of what that leads you to do,

you are just like this woman on the floor.

She is an image of immoderation.

 

Remember her,

and keep your balance.

 

The maidservant returns and says, “Yes, you saw

my pleasure, but you didn’t see the gourd

that put a limit on it. You opened

your shop before a master

taught you the craft.”