Tracy Clark-Flory seeks out couples who have not only survived an affair but became stronger as a result:
Sarah, co-founder of the online support group Survive Infidelity, says that she rarely sees couples recover from an affair unless there’s "virtually full disclosure within two to three conversations" — no fibs to protect the other’s feelings, or one’s own image. But Perel emphasizes that "trust isn’t knowing all the details." Sometimes, in fact, it means "living with what you’ll never know." She says, "It’s the people who are able to switch from a detective mode to an investigative mode who are successful. It’s not, ‘What did you do, where did you go, what bed did you sleep in, how often did you fuck him and what position?’ but more, ‘What did it mean for you? What did you find there? Why did you think you were able to experience that there and not here?" …
[Psychologist and author Janis Spring] says that understanding why it happened is crucial. “It could be an underlying resentment that ‘you’ve never been gracious to my family’ or ‘you’ve always made me feel less than you,’” she says. “Maybe one person felt ignored and lonely in the marriage and never spoke up about that or maybe his wife has never really taken his grievances seriously.” By understanding the “why” of the affair they can learn where their vulnerabilities lie and help prevent it from happening again.
The Dish 