Jeff Winkler tells the story of how he (temporarily) broke his penis:
The woman beside me looks so horror-stricken, I try to sound especially calm when talking to 911. I don't tell the operator it's so swollen and purple that I'm afraid it'll burst at any moment. Instead I say, in an even, measured tone, "My penis is the shape, size and color of a baby eggplant."
The Dish 