A reader writes:
I think when one asks that question, one must distinguish between consumers of S&M literature and practitioners of S&M. I mention that because at the local S&M club that we attend (in DC, btw) the number one rule is "women rule." Yes, women may be subs (submissives) and bottoms (those acted upon), but they call the shots regarding limits. Violating that rule is the fastest way to get thrown out of the club (if you're not beaten up by the other men first). Part of the "submissive head space" is surrendering control – but it's the sub's choice to surrender control, and the sub can break out of when whenever the sub wants (some call it "topping from the bottom").
Another shares her kink:
Despite being a feminist and having a lot of power in my professional and personal life, I do so love escaping with a good bodice ripper, complete with strong male leads who dominate (not S&M, mind you). I don't see anything contrary about it. People are complex. People want to be wanted. People want to relinquish control and relax. People want to have fantasies where they can pretend to be carefree in ways they know would be quite dangerous out in the real world.
The Dish 