Living Posthumously

Yes, some of what I felt yesterday before the Hitch service was survivor's guilt, as this post echoes. It does not present itself as guilt as such, but as depression. I remember being surprised years and years ago when my HIV viral load went to zero that my response to this astounding good news was an immense slackening ache, a bewilderment, a darkness. And it emerges again and again for us veterans of a war that took five times more young Americans than Vietnam.