I guess I was onto something all those years ago. In the four marriage equality successes this November, the following themes were the most potent:
A shift away from talk of "rights" to a focus on committed relationships; a decision to address "values" directly as being learned at home …
What some have yet to understand is that marriage equality is not an "attack" on "morality". It's a way to affirm the already existing commitment to one another that a gay couple can achieve, to create a stable home where none existed before, to affirm values of mutual responsibility and care that are conservative, in as much as they protect the family from the acid of homophobia. It's homophobia that tears families apart, not same-sex orientation. And it's marriage that brings families together – including, at last, the gay members within it.
In many organic social changes right now, what appears to be de-moralizing is actually a form of re-moralizing, devising ways to channel already existing behavior into new and more productive and more responsible forms. That's what the marriage equality movement has in common with the fight against marijuana prohibition. It admits reality – loads of people are gay and even more people smoke weed – and makes the best of it, in true Burkean fashion. It offers civil marriage to gay people and a perfectly marketable, legal product to marijuana-enthusiasts – giving states revenues, parents' more security, and millions of people a reason to watch HD TV. It folds people into middle class society, rather than marginalizing them outside.
And that's a good thing, as Martha Stewart would say.
The Dish 