How Common Is Gay Rape? Ctd

by Chris Bodenner

I’m uncomfortable with the term “gay rape”. Men who identify as straight rape other men. Rape is at least as much about power as it is about sex. I have a straight male friend who was raped while hitchhiking in 1991. His rapist gave no indication that he was gay and I’m guessing would not want others to identify him as gay. They met at a stadium concert, and traveled together for a few days while following the band from city to city. On the second or third day, his rapist followed him into a public bathroom at a gas station and raped him during a fill-up stop. Afterwards he refused to give my friend his belongings back (which were in his car), so my friend continued to ride with his rapist until the next stop at a concert venue. Preparing to run, he brought all of his belongings with him and made a dash for it.

I found out what happened to him when he got home. Most people he told didn’t believe him, or they told him “that’s what you get for hitchhiking”. I was surprised that our female friends were no more sympathetic than his male friends. One of our mutual friends was an anti-rape activist who trained women in self-defense techniques and rape prevention. I was astonished that she was totally unsympathetic, even going so far as to tell him that he shouldn’t tell people what happened to him, since it would make people less sympathetic to women who get raped.

I lost track of him a few years later, but during the time I knew him, he never really got over it. I never saw him in a sexual relationship again, and he was clearly traumatized not only by what happened to him, but by how what happened to him was received by his peers.

I’ve never laughed at a prison rape joke since.

Another:

First, I’m a subscriber, but this issue still freaks me out and so I am sending this to you anonymously. I just created this account for this email.

I am married. And mostly happily so, though I am in a utterly sexless marriage. We stay together mostly because we are best friends and have two beautiful children who’s lives don’t deserve to be impacted by their parents inadequacies. That of course, is important because like many married men I have in the past cruised anonymously for gay sex (that might be a worthy series of posts in their own right). For awhile, Squirt, Grinder, and other sites provided an easy and safe outlet. I was always oral and never had an inclination for anal (either giving or receiving). But whatever. The point of this email is that about four or five years ago, my wife was out of town and I decided to meet up with someone at the Key Bridge Marriott in Arlington, VA.

He, in turn, had someone else he was chatting with who was also at the hotel. So we walked down to this other guys room and decided to get some group play going. After a while, the first guy left (he couldn’t keep it up), and the second guy who was literally twice the size of me (probably 6’6″ and 300 lbs of muscle – and as massive a dick as I’ve ever seen – compared to my 5’9 160 lbs) continued on with me.

After a bit, he became much more aggressive and soon pinned me down and was attempting to insert himself in me. He was on me, had my legs apart, a rubber visible on the nightstand but clearly no intention of using it, and he told me very calmly that “it was time to fuck my sissy ass.” I can still remember the smell of his breath as he calmly looked me in the eyes and told me how he was going to rape me. I told him no, struggling, and he just ignored me, spreading my legs further and attempting to enter me. Which was incredibly painful for me, but must have been so for him too. He continued to hold me down and proceeded to stick his fingers in me to loosen me up. Somehow, I managed to twist out from him. And, frankly, I have no idea how I escaped, but somehow I did. And I ran.

Luckily, being in Virginia, I can carry a gun. And I had one in my pants pocket. As I was running to the door, and as he was charging me (it seemed like forever but must have taken place over less than a second or two) I was able to grab my pants and my gun in the front pocket, where he didn’t know it was, and pull it on him (I’m still not sure how I did it so seamlessly). He didn’t expect this and the entire dynamic of the situation changed remarkably. He backed up, trying to calm me down, as I kept the gun square on him and calmly walked backwards to the door, unlocking it behind me and stepping into the hall where I put my pants on as I continued walked backwards to the elevator running through the lobby shirtless and shoeless.

Being married, and with a job in DC where I wasn’t sure how they would respond to publicity over me like that, I was petrified to report anything. And who would I have reported it to? Would they have believed me or simply told me what did I expect?

I’m lucky I didn’t have to use the gun. For one, that would have raised more than a few questions from my wife. But also, I didn’t have a bullet in the chamber. I’ll never make that mistake again. Screw the know-nothings who say guns should be unloaded. An unloaded gun is a paperweight. Had I not moved at the right moment, or not had a gun available, or had to pull the trigger on an empty chamber, I have no doubt he would have raped and assaulted me and left me in a terrible physical condition (and likely exposed to HIV and a surefire hospital visit).

I’ve significantly changed my behavior after that incident. But I still get traumatized over what happened. And of course, that’s both an attempted rape AND a defensive gun use that like so many others will never be officially tabulated. And it all makes me question how common this problem is, especially among the large segment of married men who seek to cruise anonymously.

In hindsight I set myself up for it with terribly risky behavior. And it’s a miracle I’ve not come down with HIV. But it’s not something I could ever ever report because of the impact it would have on my life and those I am closest too. I just pray that this monster was turned in by someone who was in a position to turn him in. Otherwise, he remains at large.