Flirting On The Spectrum

A training program at UCLA helps people with autism-spectrum disorders by making the rules of romance explicit:

PEERS will take the seemingly mundane, but actually complex act of flirting and translate it into a step-by-step lesson. “First, a couple notices each other across the room. They make eye contact and look away, and they look again and they look away,” said [UCLA professor Elizabeth] Laugeson. “The look away makes it known you’re safe, but the common error someone with autism can make is to stare, which can seem predatory and scare a person.” People with autism are also specifically instructed how to smile and for how long, since “another common mistake is to smile really big rather than giving a slight smile,” said Laugeson. “A big smile can also be frightening.”

Neurotypical people often take flirting for granted as a fairly organic, coy, and even fun back-and-forth, but for someone with autism, it is really a complex, nonsensical interaction. “Flirting still doesn’t make sense to me. It seems like a waste of time,” said [autism advocate Alex] Plank, who worked on a video with Laugeson to teach his WrongPlanet community members how to flirt. “If you think about it logically, you say things you wouldn’t normally say, so it’s harder.”