A reader writes:
One aspect of substantial weight loss that hasn’t been brought up in your discussion thread is the effect it has on your sex life. Yes, once the euphoria has worn off, you have to come to terms with the disappointment that your new body is not what you envisioned. But you also have to face the fact that even a modest amount of excess skin may actually make you less physically attractive than before. Those who have not found love or a secure relationship may see weight loss as a key to finding new social and romantic opportunities. This was certainly true for me, but I was shocked to discover that my body after weight loss appeared to be more repulsive to potential lovers than it had been before. I have experienced the look of disappointment and shock on the face of a new lover – even after I had been open and honest about my body. For me, the realization that I may never again be physically intimate and experience the joy of being held, caressed, and loved is actually worse than the health and social problems of obesity.
The above photo from Julia Kozerski is entitled “Lovers Embrace”, from her (NSFW) series Half. Another reader:
It’s been over four years since I started getting my life and weight under control. I joined a support group and the weight just slid off. It’s been three years now since I lost the last of 170 pounds. Those first months in my “new” body were disconcerting.
I carried a photo of the “old” me around to show people I met. I was telling them they weren’t really talking to this normal-looking person, but rather that fat guy. It took a long time for me to shake that habit.
The second thing I remember was a feeling of instant vulnerability. Having been used to being the biggest person in any room, I never felt physically threatened. Ever. Suddenly I was 200 pounds, not 370. A guy I used to outweigh by over a hundred pounds now had be by 40 or 50. What would happen if he turned on me? I’d never feared that in my life.
Hugs are strange too. That bulk I carried around was a great barrier to keep people away. Now they’re RIGHT THERE.
Lastly … intimacy. I’ve been 100 pounds overweight since adolescence. Needless to say, I didn’t get a lot of attention from women. I went my entire thirties without a single sexual partner. Now women check me out regularly. It’s still weird. I wish I could say I’m getting used to it, but I’m not.
Reddit had a great discussion a month or so back on weight loss and the struggle to quiet the inner fat guy/girl. I saw myself in a lot of it. Thanks as always for the discussion.
The Dish 