A reader writes:
The bisexual guys I’ve dealt with were completely capable of giving and receiving emotional support in addition to blowjobs. They could be caring, nurturing, and empathic just as capably (or incapably, as it were) with me as with the women in their lives. They just didn’t want to do so publicly. The problem gay guys often have with “bisexual” guys is not that these guys are incapable of being emotionally “available” in a guy-guy relationship; it’s that they are merely unwilling.
Sometimes that unwillingness is mostly justifiable: Having biological children is truly something only women can offer a man. But more often the “emotional incompatibility” is not between one man who can love another and one who cannot; it’s an internal incompatibility between a man’s romantic desires and his fear of social judgment.
Another:
I’m a self-identified bisexual man who has exactly the opposite desires to those mentioned in your post. I’ve never, at any point in my adult life, had any romantic interest in any women. I also don’t generally get into them on an aesthetic basis. But I’ve certainly had sex with quite a few and enjoyed every minute of it.
By contrast, I’ve been sleeping with other guys since I was in my mid-teens, find guys to be sexually and aesthetically interesting, and have only ever fallen in love with other males. So does this make me bi, gay, or just, as one of my friends likes to say, simply horny? To me, I’m bi. But I understand that others might disagree.
Another:
How about the reverse: Loving Bros, Banging Ladies? I’m a straight woman, married to a (seemingly) straight man and this post has crystallized for me what’s been missing from my marriage all these years that I’ve never been able to identify before.
That is, my husband is sexually very attracted to women but emotionally and intellectually attracted to other men. In our relationship, this issue has always presented itself as a problem of time: that my husband has many social, male-oriented hobbies that he spends a lot of time on and gets a lot of pleasure from. An ideal version of our marriage for him would be having a lot of sex with me and spending a lot of his time on his hobbies and with his friends. As a woman who is very sexually, emotionally, and intellectually attracted to men, I experience this arrangement as a deficit in our relationship because I don’t get similar levels of satisfaction and connection by spending time with my female friends. I enjoy it, but it doesn’t make me feel loved in the way I think it does for him.
I have no idea what this means for our relationship. I imagine you have caused a lot of women to have similar aha moments.
That sounds more like a case of bromance than romance with bros.
The Dish 