Freddie Moore lovingly reviews 2010: Moby Dick, ranking it alongside other “great man-versus-beast bad movie classics, like Deep Blue Sea or Snakes on a Plane.” It is, she suggests, the “worst adaptation of all time”:
On the surface, the film is based on the book: It’s the ultimate story of revenge sought by a captain who’s had his ship and leg taken from him by a giant sperm whale. As a modern retelling, though, Ahab is a submarine captain and his strikes against the whale involve torpedos, machine guns and nukes. (Yes, nukes.) Not only that, but 2010’s version of the whale doesn’t stick to the ocean; he “swims” over mountains and even flies to attack Ahab and his crew.
She offers a drinking game for brave viewers. Drink up when:
1. Submarine emergency sirens sound;
2. Ahab says the word “whale”;
3. Race awkwardly enters the story (same thing goes for any time something sexist is directed at Dr. Herman);
4. Someone listens to sonar whale sounds;
5. Moby Dick makes rabid bull noises;
6. Someone says the word “hunt”;
7. Anyone tries to say anything remotely scientific.
The Dish 