Why The FBI Is Struggling To Hire Hackers, Ctd

by Chris Bodenner

A reader can relate to these would-be hires:

I was rejected by the FBI because of pot! I applied to be a special agent shortly after 9/11. I had two major complaints about the process.

First, I had just finished two years of service in Morocco with the Peace Corps, and I thought I could leverage my language ability in Arabic. However, the only Arabic that they could test 0r give credit for was “FousHa”, or the educated version of Arabic that would be nearly unintelligible to uneducated Arabic speakers. No credit was available to speakers of dialects.

Second, they said I would have to make several certifications, including (if memory serves), “I have not used marijuana more than three times in the last five years,” and “I have not used marijuana more than 10 times in my life.” Since most of my marijuana experience was from a few trips to Amsterdam, I asked if it was relevant that I never smoked marijuana in violation of US law, or if I had never done so in violation of any law (I would have had to look a bit more carefully at Dutch law before certifying to that last one). Answer: Nope – look for another job.

I think the FBI recruiter said the marijuana policies were even more strict before Bill Clinton’s administration – the logic, perhaps, being that President Clinton wouldn’t want policies that would have excluded him. I left thinking, with all due respect to the FBI, that they didn’t have a clue of what they were recruiting for. The Arabic they were testing for would be useless to anyone trying to understand spoken Arabic in any country, and they were excluding otherwise qualified candidates on the basis of insignificant and lawful recreational pot use. So, no surprise here that they’re having trouble hiring hackers.

How Unfair Is It Being The Fat Girl? Ctd

by Chris Bodenner

A few more readers chime in:

I think both dissenting readers are missing the bigger point of that Louie monologue, which is the absolute, irrefutably true statement that in our society, it’s harder for fat women than fat men. I’m writing that sentence as a fat (not BMI of 25 “overweight”) but a full-on fat man. I’m not saying I don’t get judged for my weight or deal with societal repercussions (I do), but there isn’t a doubt in my mind that a women of similar proportions would have it SO much worse. Why?

For starters, our species just loves double standards for women (remember: men who sleep around are studs, but women who sleep around are sluts). But also men are more superficial than women when it comes to dating, and so the pressure to not be fat pushes harder in one direction. Chubby men get a lot of passes (we get to be “husky” or “rugged” and get called affirming things like “big man” or “teddy bear”), that chubby women don’t. They just get told to stop eating and start running.

Another is less sympathetic:

Here’s a radical idea that deserves a place in the debate: The choice of a mate is an individual choice, and it is completely irrational to choose a mate you’re not physically attracted to, unless that’s the only choice you have. Maybe there’s a genetic component for mens’ general attraction to slimmer women, or maybe it’s the cultural forces of mass media. It doesn’t really matter. In either case, the fat girl in Louis CK’ show is essentially asking him – and the rest of the men she likes – to somehow transcend those forces and give her the love she wants.

Um, screw that. Fat or slim, short or tall, clever or dull, wildly successful or hopelessly unemployed, nobody gets to dictate to their crush. Not unless you’re Kim Jong Un, who seems to be doing fine with the ladies.

The scene is self-flagellation, and I understand Louis’ guilt. It’s important for us men to be conscious of the ruthless prejudices that are at the core of our libido, if only because that will help us to cope with the same prejudices that govern women’s attraction. On the other hand, how is Louis doing her a favor by taking her hand? By feeling sorry for her, is he really doing her a favor? What kind of future does a couple like that have?

It’s ridiculous. For some wildly entertaining cognitive dissonance, check out this comment thread on Jezebel. On this feminist blog, women readers routinely rail against the injustice of men who have the audacity to prefer slim women to the heavyset, and yet when those women are challenged to be honest about whether they’re attracted to short men, turns out these ladies have a prejudice of their own. Overweight women at least have the option of exercising and dieting to lose weight, whereas short men can do nothing about their height.

My advice to the fat girl on Louie: Life isn’t fair. Deal with it.

Update from a reader:

By way of introduction, I am a 5’8″ man with a 6’3″ wife. The height difference between us is my most defining physical characteristic as her sheer height is hers. She has dealt her whole life with inane questions about basketball (she hates sports) and lame pickup lines (“Hey, I’d love to climb that mountain”).

She has had female friends tell her that they couldn’t imagine marrying a man shorter than they are. And we aren’t talking about women like my wife who are at the far right end of the height distribution, either. I’ve had men tell me they are envious of my facial position when we dance.

What the actual fuck? Why is this such a thing?

Every now and then, I look across the room and think, “Jesus Christ, she’s tall.” Most days I don’t notice and neither does she. In fact, the nicest thing she’s ever said to me is that she thinks of me being taller than I am. Maybe she’s just compensating, but I love her for it. The only downside is that by the time my kids are thirteen, I’ll be the shortest one in the house and they’ll hide their pot on the top shelf where I can’t see it. Assuming it’s still illegal by then.

Face Of The Day

by Chris Bodenner

Political Leader React To Local Election Results

United Kingdom Independence Party (UKIP) leader Nigel Farage enjoys a pint of beer in a pub in Benfleet, England on May 23, 2014. Early local election results announced overnight show subsantial gains for UKIP. European election results will be released on May 25, 2014. By Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images.

Love At A Distance, Ctd

by Chris Bodenner

The popular thread continues:

I call bullshit on the long-distance, living-apart marriage. My husband and I were in a long-distance relationship before we were married. During that time, things were always fabulous. But that is because I got to experience only a fraction of my spouse – the part that shows off well in short increments. Marriage is intimacy – the hardest form (at least it’s supposed to be, but in the age of “me, me, me” it’s hard to sustain that concept). Marriage is being completely emotionally available to another person. It’s allowing another soul to see yours, including the beauty and the undeniable “you make we want to strangle you sometimes” warts. Had I never lived with my spouse, I never would have experienced the true closeness that has come from driving each other batty, but eventually learning to accept each other as we are (and not the versions of ourselves that manage to present well in 3-4 day periods). I don’t see how you can ever accomplish this if at the end of the day you can simply turn to your partner and say “go home until we get along again.”

Another is miffed by such criticism:

I don’t understand why people feel the need to be so judgmental of other peoples’ living arrangements. My partner and I have been together about 13 years. We bought a duplex together 11 years ago … he lives on one side, I live on the other.

The reasons we chose to go this route in the beginning, vs. purchasing a house, aren’t relevant here … but I have to say that the arrangement has worked out a lot better than I think a house would have. We have different approaches to all kinds of things (orderliness, pack-ratting, daily routines, what kind of food is ok to keep around, etc.) that would cause tremendous conflict if we didn’t have our own space and a certain level of autonomy.

Seven years ago, we brought a child into the world. He “lives” with me (his room and toys are on my side), but he happily bounces back and forth between the units as needed. We function just like any other family – we cook and eat together, watch TV together, play and work around the house together … but Dad typically sleeps next door, with his stuff and his cats. Big deal.

Want to sleep under the same roof? Fine, do it. Don’t want to? Then don’t. Want to sleep under the same roof, but with a big dividing wall down the middle? Buy a duplex. But PLEASE stop judging people – or their commitment level to their partner – when they make different decisions than you would.

Another reader:

I am finding this LAT discussion so timely that I wanted to chime in. The SO [significant other] and I just celebrated our seventh anniversary. We have never lived together. He has a condo that is too small for me. I have a tiny overpriced apartment 30 minutes away I’m not attached to, but my commute to work is two minutes. To move in together we would have to buy a place to have the comfort and space we have now.

We spend every weekend together and a nights a week when we can. We talk on the phone most nights. We work in similar industries so we also collaborate on projects. There is no question we are head-over-heels in love, monogamous and enjoy every second of our time spent together (even when we’re being homebodies).

In seven years we have rarely fought. We run errands for each other. We help and support each other. I’d also add the pressure of having regular sex when you live with someone (at least in my past hetero experience) can turn into conflict. With the SO, sex is a great motivation for a 30-minute drive on a work night and mostly guaranteed when we’re together. The fact that we both look forward to sex and really enjoy it allows for a great deal of intimacy, without any pressure about one partner feeling the relationship is lacking in that regard.

We have conversations about how it would be nice to live together, but neither one of us feels that if it doesn’t happen we’re walking away. Sure, we would save money on mortgage/rent, but that’s not a real reason to do it. The friends and family who ask about our living situation have goals to get married and have kids (or have already done so), but the SO and I do not.

LAT is wonderful for me because neither of us even have the option of taking each other for granted or falling into co-dependency if we want to keep this relationship going another seven years and beyond (and we do!). I think we could live together and be perfectly happy. Still, our current living situation dictates we must respect each other as independent individuals and I find that very rewarding too. Some of the friends and family seem flabbergasted that the LAT situation works at all, but it does. It is the most loving, fulfilling and easiest relationship I have ever been in.

Why Pull The Trigger? Ctd

by Chris Bodenner

First, a Dan Savage reader underscores a key distinction:

Thank you, thank you, thank you from a survivor of three separate T’s, triply diagnosed with1400614339-tumblr_n2juhvk9xv1s71q1zo1_1280 PTSD—severe child abuse (sexual, physical, verbal), rape at age 18, and a gunpoint robbery while delivering pizza in college. I had to deal with several legitimate triggers in college, all of which I managed to handle. People calling for trigger warnings on every damn thing are essentially using “triggered” to mean “made mildly uncomfortable,” and that infuriates me. “Triggered” needs to actually mean “triggered” or else my life and the life of other survivors will be made significantly more difficult. People self-diagnosing PTSD because (gasp) something shitty happened to them once and then claiming to be triggered because something reminds them of the shitty thing are adding new obstacles to what PTSD survivors already have to cope with, and it sucks.

Meanwhile, Dish readers continue their discussion:

As a clinical psychologist who has studied PTSD and treated patients suffering with post-traumatic symptoms, I’m pleased to see the extended discussion of trigger warnings on the Dish. One of your readers wrote:

I find it amusing that so many people are getting their knickers in a twist over trigger warnings on books. Has it not occurred to anyone that there have been warnings on content for decades? Hello, movie ratings system!

Well, no, it’s not the same as the movie rating system. That system is intended to indicate age appropriateness of content and possible morally offensive or disturbing material without making assumptions about psychopathology in the viewer. Trigger warnings represent a clinical judgment that erroneously assumes that serious symptomatic reactions may occur if a reader reads about a criminal or tragic event. This represents a gross misunderstanding of PTSD triggers, and it condescendingly assumes pathology so disabling that the reader can’t even hear mention of anything related to the trauma they experienced without tumbling into a symptomatic spiral. That’s nonsense.

Not according to this PTSD sufferer:

I’ve been watching the recent trigger warning debate with incredulity. I have post-traumatic stress disorder.  I have triggers.  I am fortunately not in a field where they’re likely to come up in class, but being triggered in other contexts has caused me to have panic attacks and thrown off my emotional balance and ability to focus for hours.

But, if I know that something is coming that might trigger me – i.e. if I get a warning – I can steel myself.  I’m more likely to be successful in modulating my reaction appropriately.  I’m a lot more likely to be able to continue engaging with the material in a productive way.  And if this is helpful for me, it’s probably helpful for other people in similar situations, some of whom are more likely to be exposed to their triggers in class.

After following the last few days of debate, I’ve learned that this means I want to censor or ban books, that I’m a whiny oversheltered millennial who has never had to feel uncomfortable before (how, exactly, do these people think one gets PTSD or any other trauma-related psychological problem in the first place?), that I should toughen up, that my position is the triumph of the student-customer model that’s ruining American universities, that I’m ignoring the healing transformative power of literature and am trying to create a society where nobody feels pain, that trying to influence my environment to make it more friendly to my mental health is privilege run amok, and that, since exposure therapy and systematic desensitization can be helpful for PTSD, my desire to avoid panic attacks in public places with a quick heads-up is counterproductive (because being exposed to a trigger randomly in a space of untrained laypeople is clearly comparable to a therapeutic technique being used in a planned treatment program by a mental health professional? I have a therapist, a seasoned trauma specialist, and I’m pretty sure I’d rather work with her in a coherent recovery process than have misguided random people trying to tough-love me out of my symptoms).

The discussion has left me standing in my kitchen, bewilderedly telling my husband, “All I wanted was for someone to give me a heads up if they’re about to show something with [the kind of violence that caused my trauma]! And for other people to be able to get one too if they needed!”

She proposes a good idea:

Increasingly, I’m thinking that a good implementation for trigger warnings in a university setting would be as accommodations through the disability office.  This would allow more tailoring to individuals’ needs than blanket warnings – people with really random idiosyncratic triggers could be accommodated just the same as people with common ones.  It would mean that professors didn’t have to worry about making judgments that they don’t think should be their responsibility or about students filing complaints, as long as they cooperated with the disability office the way they would for other disabilities.  It might also allow students to take care of their mental health without a bunch of people yelling about censorship and kids these days’ lack of fortitude.

Another reader who suffered trauma views it differently:

I get putting a “trigger-warning” on things like movies that can cause epileptic seizures due to flickering lighting. I even get basic rating systems for movies – it’s entertainment, and broad guides to let the audience pick what they want to expose themselves to seems not that unfair. But it’s getting carried to such horrible, idiotic extremes.

I’ve run into trigger-material that hit my own triggers hard enough to make me walk away from material I would otherwise have liked. I lost one fetus to an ectopic pregnancy and spent nine-months in fear of losing a child to SIDS (Sudden Infant Death). I did not respond well to a book that included a villain who killed infants silently without a mark and left them for their parents to discover. The villain was SIDS and miscarriage personified – walking evil. And, yeah, it was a trigger for me.

You know what I did? Closed the book and gave it away … with no hard feelings toward the author. And if I’d had to study the material for a grade? I’d have bloody-well soldiered up.

Education is by its nature threatening, forcing us out of our comfort zones. Those who can’t cope with that should give some serious thought to their presence in an educational setting … or at the very least to their areas of study.

Another:

Your reader who says that trigger warnings are no big deal because we have content ratings on movies has, inadvertently, expressed my biggest concern about this subject. Take a look at the movie landscape and you’ll notice that producers now go out of their way to ensure that every movie they make, with few exceptions, have a PG-13 rating. The reason for this is that producers are perfectly aware that this is the rating with the largest audience cross section. The direct consequence of this is that subject matter that pushes boundaries gets automatically marginalized as a type of soft-censorship sets in, and this isn’t even without considering the power that the (unregulated and unaccountable) MPAA has over the industry.

The thought that literature could go this way send chills down my spine.  One of the points of literature is to push at convention and to challenge us by periodically shocking and, yes, upsetting us. Do we really want to give publishers a reason to actively start cutting content out of books for fear that a trigger warning label will drive down sales?

Another:

I think the idea of providing detailed keywords for content (especially movies) is a good one, but there’s no need to call them “triggers.” Clearly that word is hotly debated. “Tags” would be a fine word. Therefore when people are looking to relax with a movie, they can see at a glance if it includes mutilation, dead babies, or incest. And no, doing a google search is not practical for everything you want to see. I want it listed on the case/Netflix summary like you get ingredients for food.

One more reader:

Why can’t there be a middle ground in the trigger warning debate? There’s an easy one for teachers: They can make it clear to their students that if asked, they’ll provide a list of assignments that could be a trigger for them. That way people who don’t want spoilers don’t get them. People only get warnings about triggers that affect them. Works aren’t labeled in scary ways. And, important to my mind, no judgment is passed on what is or is not enough of a trigger to merit a warning.

Sensing Too Much, Ctd

by Chris Bodenner

A reader pivots off our post on the FBI having trouble hiring hackers who haven’t smoked pot:

As a computer guy with diagnosed Asperger’s who knows lots of other computer guys who are either diagnosed or show a lot of checklist signs of being on the autism spectrum (including my son – also diagnosed on spectrum), I would like to flag the self-medication aspects of pot use in the case of computer guys and the FBI. Being on spectrum means there are tremendous sensory overloads. I know that marijuana reduces the sensory overload and makes it manageable. That has also been part of the discussions with my spectrum computer colleagues.

[Seen above] is my favourite video to explain the overload. I use it to try to explain the reality of my view of the world when people ask about my Asperger’s. (I believe I first saw it on the Dish.) And this is a link to more information on overload simulations.

A previous Dish thread on pot and Asperger’s here.

Dish Intern Wanted

by Andrew

[Re-posted from yesterday]

It’s that time of year again. Dish Publishing LLC is seeking an all-purpose intern to handle both administrative tasks and contribute to the editorial process. The admin side of the job will include: dealing with press inquiries and permissions, helping with support emails, managing the staff calendar, taking notes during meetings, making travel arrangements, and generally assisting the executive editors and me with sundry tasks. Strong organizational skills and attention to detail are musts. You need to be self-starting and pro-active in getting shit done.

The editorial side of the job will consist of ransacking the web for smart and entertaining nuggets, maintaining our social media presence, working on larger research projects, and helping the team guest-blog when yours truly takes a vacation. We prefer individuals who can challenge me and howler beaglemy assumptions, find stuff online we might have missed, and shape the Dish with his or her own personal passions. Reporting experience is also a big plus as we try to deepen our coverage. Someone with a background in web entrepreneurialism could catch our eye too.

The full-time internship pays $10 an hour, includes health insurance, and lasts for six months. The position is based in New York City. Since the Dish doesn’t have an office, most of the work will be done from home, but the staff meets regularly for lunch and coffee meetings and social gatherings.  I want to emphasize that this is an intense job for the intensely motivated, and one that can get a little isolating at times. But it’s a pretty unbeatable chance to learn what independent online journalism can be as an integral part a close-knit team. We’ve decided to pare down to one intern to keep our lean budget under control, which means the one individual really does have to be special. You have to already know what we do here and care deeply about the Dish. And a sense of humor is a real asset.

We are hoping to hire very soon, so don’t delay if you’re interested. The cutoff for applications is next Friday, May 30, at midnight. The start date is July 7, but we are flexible. To apply, please e-mail your resumé and a (max 500-word) cover letter to apply@andrewsullivan.com.

The Intercourse Is For Fun, Ctd

by Chris Bodenner

Readers keep the thread going:

The problem I have as a parent of three (two boys, one girl) in telling them the truth – that intercourse is fun – is that I’m not sure how to balance that with the message that they’re better off waiting. “It’s one of the most enjoyable things a person can do! But don’t do it until you’re older!” And we say “because”: because you can get pregnant or get someone pregnant, because it can be emotionally complex, etc. But not getting too deep into this rabbit hole is the same reason I don’t tell my kids that I smoked pot and really enjoyed it – because smoking pot, too, is fun. That’s why people do it in the first place.

I do think you need to tell kids the truth. But, knowing kids, I worry that they’ll blow right past that “because” and focus on the fun. If it’s so fun – why wait?

But another looks to reverse psychology:

I can’t think of a better way to get kids to abstain from sex for longer: Let them know the details, and that mom and dad think it’s fun and cool. Kids never want to like what their parents like.

Another reader:

The latest series on sex being fun and yet inexplicable to children reminded me of when we told our kids “the facts.”

My wife worked from home as a lawyer for families seeking a surrogate.  Sometimes the family needed eggs, sometimes sperm, and often a uterus.  She concluded that she could not keep telling stork stories to the kids while working in the kitchen and talking on the phone with clients about sperm count, viability and the other issues that naturally needed to be addressed.

So when my two girls were 9 and 11 my wife decided it was time to have the talk.  At that time we still had our Sunday dinners as a family, so my wife picked a Sunday and just started talking.  My wife thought it was important that we provide more than the usual detail.  She remembered when her mother, in the early 70s, explained the matter to her and left out the erection bit, and that her reaction had been, “That can’t work.  I’m a babysitter and I’ve seen those floppy things.  That can’t go inside me.”

So the kids got the whole shebang.  Even the warning that “boys like it a lot and will try to talk you into it.” My oldest, always more analytic and scientific, simply nodded and took in the info.  The youngest was horrified.  “Does Joel know about this?” is what she wanted to know, Joel being a close family friend who my daughter obviously respected more than us after telling her the weird things we do.  “Joel has three kids of his own,” was an explanation that did not quite solve the question, but time has passed.

Another story about talking to kids honestly about sex:

When I was in middle school in Marin County in 1977, two of our teachers gathered the sixth-through-eighth graders together for “Sexuality Day.” They told us we were free to write down any questions we might have. “Anonymity promotes honesty,” they said, so innocent to the fact that they were sitting in front of a room of leering preteens. So we wrote down questions and the first one pulled from the hat by a stern Mrs. Meyers was “Can you get pregnant by butt fucking?” Her answer: “I prefer the term anal intercourse. And the answer is no.” The next question was “Do you fuck? Do you like to fuck?” The matronly Mrs. Floyd took this one and answered honestly, bless her heart. “I also prefer the term ‘intercourse.’ And many of you know my daughter Kristen so I guess the answer is obvious. And yes, I’m not ashamed to say I enjoy relations with Mr. Floyd!”

Hats off to these brave teachers of yore. You probably couldn’t get away with that kind of nerdy honesty today.

Update from a reader:

One of your readers mentioned Our Whole Lives (OWL), the progressive sexuality education program created by the Unitarian Universalists and the United Church of Christ. Both our daughters went through the middle school OWL program – and then they volunteered to take the more involved high school OWL program as well.

OWL works by answering every question, and providing more information than you could ever want. As some of your readers suggested, knowing all the facts is generally the opposite of an aphrodisiac. My daughters have been part of informative discussions about pleasure and abortion and LGBTQ issues and masturbation and date rape. They’ve been shown illustrations that include different positions and even disabled people having sex. One of them even won a classroom race to get the condom on the banana first.

The result is that while they have a positive attitude toward sex and toward their bodies, their eyes are open. They’ve made it clear that, at ages 18 and 15, they’re in absolutely no rush to go all the way. Meanwhile, adults in our congregation are wondering when they can sign up to take the OWL classes for people over 35 (there are curricula for six different age levels in all), so that they can explore issues such as, say, how to enjoy sex after a mastectomy.

In fact OWL’s success is so strong that one can’t help but wonder if part of the popularity of abstinence-only programs is an unspoken knowledge that they keep kids ignorant and therefore more sexually malleable – that they keep young women more likely to end up barefoot and pregnant per a certain 1950s ideal.