The Power of Honesty

I occasionally get emails like the one below. I’m publishing it simply to say one thing in this nerve-racked time, especially on the issue of homosexuality. Gay people have the power to transform their own lives – and the world. In fact, only gay people can really accomplish the kind of change on this issue that we need. This revolution does not happen on the streets – but in living rooms and kitchen tables, in offices and schools, at church and at the movies. It’s happening more and more. And the power of honesty is extraordinary:

With your inspiration I found the strength to come out to my mother and father today. I have dreamt of this day for years. I have spent countless nights over the last 15 years (and I am 28 years old) going over in my head how it might be. I have read Virtually Normal three times. I have tons of gay friends and a partner of almost three years.

But finally today, I clutched my copy of Virtually Normal in my childhood bedroom, said a prayer to my God, and walked into my parents’ living room and revealed to them this secret that I have held for too long. I know it will take some time for them to understand, if ever, but I know that the only way that I can live a fulfilling, honest life is to be honest with those who have sacrificed so much for me.

It’s a simple and beautiful way to think of it. I remember another gay man who persuaded me two decades ago to come out to my own parents. He said a simple thing: "Don’t you deserve a mother and father?" At first, I said, well of course I have a mother and father and they love me. And then he said: "But do they really even know you? All of you? How can they love someone if they do not know him? Why are you shutting yourself off from the love of your parents?"

And so I told them. And their love has sustained me for two decades, and still sustains me, and celebrates my relationship. You ask me about Christianity? This is Christianity to me. That’s why that book is dedicated to my mother and my father. I owe them everything. But I once feared their love.

Be not afraid.

Christians and Power

An evangelical reflects:

When I see a leader who becomes stubborn and rigid, who becomes increasingly less compassionate toward his adversaries, increasingly tyrannical in his own organization, who rouses anger and arrogance in others, I wonder if he is not generating all of this heat because he is trying so hard to say ‘no’ to something surging deep within his own soul. Are his words and deeds not so much directed against an enemy ‘out there’ as they are against a much more cunning enemy within his own soul. More than once I have visited with pastors who have spent hours immersed in pornography and then gone on to preach their most ‘spirit-filled’ sermons against immorality a day or two later. It‚Äôs a disconnect that boggles the rational mind.

No amount of accountability seems to be adequate to contain a person living with such inner conflict. Neither can it contain a person who needs continuous adrenaline highs to trump the highs of yesterday. Maybe this is one of the geniuses of Jesus: he knew when to stop, how to refuse the cocktail of privilege, fame and applause that distorts one’s ability to think wisely and to master self.

Yes, Jesus knew when to stop. He renounced all earthly power for the cross – to prove God’s love and forgiveness. He could have led a political movement. He refused to. His refusal is at the heart of his message. And all Christians – of all kinds and varieties – need to follow his example again.

Now, The Paleo-Cons

Virtually the entire conservative movement is now disowning this administration and this Congress. I welcome every single one. Here’s the latest bunch of right-wingers urging a vote for the Democrats:

Faced on Sept. 11, 2001 with a great challenge, President Bush made little effort to understand who had attacked us and why—thus ignoring the prerequisite for crafting an effective response. He seemingly did not want to find out, and he had staffed his national-security team with people who either did not want to know or were committed to a prefabricated answer.

As a consequence, he rushed America into a war against Iraq, a war we are now losing and cannot win, one that has done far more to strengthen Islamist terrorists than anything they could possibly have done for themselves. Bush’s decision to seize Iraq will almost surely leave behind a broken state divided into warring ethnic enclaves, with hundreds of thousands killed and maimed and thousands more thirsting for revenge against the country that crossed the ocean to attack them. The invasion failed at every level: if securing Israel was part of the administration’s calculation‚Äîas the record suggests it was for several of his top aides‚Äîthe result is also clear: the strengthening of Iran‚Äôs hand in the Persian Gulf, with a reach up to Israel‚Äôs northern border, and the elimination of the most powerful Arab state that might stem Iranian regional hegemony.

The war will continue as long as Bush is in office, for no other reason than the feckless president can’t face the embarrassment of admitting defeat. The chain of events is not complete: Bush, having learned little from his mistakes, may yet seek to embroil America in new wars against Iran and Syria.

Meanwhile, America’s image in the world, its capacity to persuade others that its interests are common interests, is lower than it has been in memory.

Yes, there’s the usual anti-Semitic undertow here. It’s Buchanan’s posse. At the same time, on the simple facts on the ground, is any of this even debatable at this point? Republican or Democrat, conservative or liberal, we have to repudiate this administration’s disastrous incompetence, or face even greater perils than we have been exposed to already. Tomorrow’s the day. Do not be silent.

Haggard’s Sermon Last Sunday

Haggardrobynbeckafpgetty_2

Amazing listening, in retrospect. Money quote:

"Heavenly Father give us grace and mercy, help us this next week and a half as we go into national elections and Lord we pray for our country. Father we pray lies would be exposed and deception exposed. Father we pray that wisdom would come upon our electorate …"

Yep, his prayers were answered all right – but God works in mysterious ways. David Kuo comments here. The more you listen, the more uncanny it gets. It is as if Haggard saw this coming, and almost wanted it. If you have faith, pray for him, and especially for his family.

(Photo: Robyn Beck/AFP/Getty.)

Quote for the Day

"There is part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I’ve been warring against it all of my adult life," – pastor Ted Haggard, referring, I suppose, to his homosexual orientation.

For those who still – amazingly – believe that being gay is somehow a "choice," consider Haggard. If he could have chosen not to be gay, don’t you think he would have? Even though he apparently believes being gay is "repulsive and dark" (while it is, in fact, just another wonderful way to be human), he still cannot prevail against it. It is integral to him. It has been "all of [his] adult life".

One day, he may realize, and I pray he does, that the only dark and repulsive thing is the closet, the betrayal of his wife and children, the destruction of a church, and the demonization of others in the same boat – all as a function of his own inability to face the truth. What is dark and repulsive is dishonesty.

There is no commandment not to be gay. There is a commandment not to bear false witness. Haggard bore false witness – to himself, to his wife, to his traumatized kids, to his fellow gay men and women. repeatedly, pathologically, self-destructively. The right response for Christians is compassion and forgiveness. But also hope: hope that this will help spread the truth about what being gay actually is.

Face it, Ted. Face the truth. It will set you – and so many others – free.