The Dish

Each year, dozens of eager contestants vie to win the prestigious andrewsullivan.com awards for left-wing, right-wing, Sontagian, pretentious and generally clueless utterances throughout the previous year. Our distinguished panel has now reviewed all the entries this year and come up with some winners. They’ll be announced in two stages, to allow the judges to, er, celebrate the Christmas season with all appropriate loving kindness and spiritual ecstasy. Here they are …

VON HOFFMAN AWARD WINNER 2003 (for egregiously bad predictions): “In Baghdad the coalition forces confront a city apparently determined on resistance. They should remember Napoleon in Moscow, Hitler in Stalingrad, the Americans in Mogadishu and the Russians at Grozny. Hostile cities have ways of making life ghastly for aggressors. They are not like countryside. They seldom capitulate, least of all when their backs are to the wall. It took two years after the American withdrawal from Vietnam for Saigon to fall to the Vietcong. Kabul was ceded to the warlords only when the Taleban drove out of town. In the desert, armies fight armies. In cities, armies fight cities. The Iraqis were not stupid. They listened to Western strategists musing about how a desert battle would be a pushover. Things would get ‘difficult’ only if Saddam played the cad and drew the Americans into Baghdad. Why should he do otherwise?” – Simon Jenkins, the Times of London, in an article called – yes! – “Baghdad Will Be Near Impossible to Conquer,” March 28.

VON HOFFMAN AWARD RUNNER UP 2003: “Every so often in life you have to go out on a limb. So here goes: Arnold Schwarzenegger will not be the next governor of California. What’s more, his loss will represent an important moment in a shift in American politics that has been in gestation for some time now — toward a politics in which voters make decisions more on the basis of their cultural affinities than in response to a candidate’s charisma or fame… And in the week he’s been a candidate, Schwarzenegger’s numbers sure haven’t gone up. His first round of morning talk-show appearances was judged pretty awful. More recently, as the Los Angeles Times reported Wednesday, there’s been enough grumpiness in the Arnold camp that a fairly major shake-up has already taken place, with people like George Gorton, Schwarzenegger’s chief adviser over the last couple of years, relegated to the second tier. When campaigns do that, leaks to the press from the disgruntled faction are the inevitable byproduct. And once a campaign gets a reputation as disorganized or divided, that becomes the scent the media decide to track, and the reputation becomes a difficult one to shake.” – Michael Tomasky, August 13, relying on the L.A. Times for news, in the American Prospect.

BEGALA AWARD WINNER 2003 (for extreme liberal hyperbole): “I think this is a deliberate, intentional destruction of the United States of America,” – Bill Moyers on the Bush administration, as quoted in the Nation.

BEGALA AWARD RUNNER UP 2003: “I feel far more vulnerable and frightened than I ever have in my 50 years on the planet. It is the United States government I am afraid of. Meanwhile, here in our great democracy, Americans go along with the program or remain silent, too afraid of the Muslim bogeymen thousands of miles away to recognize the Christian ones in our midst. Fearful that we will be verbally attacked, or shunned, or lose our livelihoods if we dare question the meanness that characterizes our government and, increasingly, defines our national character. I do not feel safer now than I did six, or 12, or 24 months ago. In fact, I feel far more vulnerable and frightened than I ever have in my 50 years on the planet. It is the United States government I am af raid of. In less than two years the Bush administration has used the attacks of 9/11 to manipulate our fear of terrorism and desire for revenge into a blank check to blatantly pursue imperialist objectives internationally and to begin the rollback of the Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and most of the advances of the 20th century.” – Jill Nelson, MSNBC.

Why not the anglicism? Now that Christmas is at our throats again, let me extend my sincere hope that my readers can survive the nightmare of the next few days with as little psychic, gastro-intestinal, and familial anxiety as possible. Yes, I might as well confess that I cannot stand this time of year. (I’m with Blitzen.) But the BF and the beagle and I have both LOTR DVDs and are planning a nine-hour Tolkien marathon with cigars and Jagermeister shots and a pig ear. I guess diversity is everything. Hang in there. Don’t despair. It will all be over soon enough. Back Friday with the annual award ceremony for the Begala, Von Hoffman, Sontag, Derbyshire and Poseur finalists and winners for 2003. Special guest stars: Bill Moyers, Robert Fisk, Bill O’Reilly and all your favorites. Don’t miss it!

DEAN ON TORT REFORM: Not so long ago, he was for it.

GAYS WILL STAY: The Park Service won’t airbrush gays out of the Lincoln Memorial educational video after all.

What more can I add to this extraordinary email? My stereotyping of all boomers was dumb and glib. I’m sorry. Here’s the email:

I’m a semi-conservative (?) boomer, and I don’t engage in the “boomer idiocy” you speak of. I’m a U.S. Army veteran. In 197O I was spat upon, and called the standard names, like “baby killer”, or a “brain washed dupe of the military industrial complex.” My trying to explain that I was in the medical service and 1000 miles away from the fighting made no difference. When I came home in 1971, my pre-draft friends threw a Welcome Home party for me. At one point I was backed into a corner as they jabbed their fingers into my face and made all sorts of idiotic accusations. I started to think they had the party as an excuse just to beat up a veteran. When I got my first apartment it became a place to hide for several other returning vets. At age 23, I was the old guy. I ran into a grade school pal who was known for running laps around St. Cecilia’s church in the 1950’s doing the stations of the cross. He went to Boston College , joined the SDS, and told me in 1971, that two of our childhood friends, Norm and Richie “deserved it” when they were killed in Viet Nam. I wish I had punched the hell out of him, but instead, I walked away and cried. All I’m saying is that many, many of us are not like these people in the Village bar this young lady was in. Maybe MOST of us are not like them. Guys like me, saw the idiocy of these people at its genesis, and we were the first victims. Now that our side may be slowly winning, it’s rough to think we may me lumped in with the people that abused us 30 years ago. I hold my nose and call myself “pro choice”. I agree with everything you say regarding gay citizens, and gay marriage. But I cringe over PC thinking, and I’m terrified at the thought of Islamic madmen running around the world on slaughter binges. For this, the boomers of the “idiot” persuasion call me an out and out “Right Wing Madman”. Thanks for letting me vent. Richie’s father and mine were City Firefighters. I have memories of visting my father at the firehouse as a little boy in the 1950’s. Richie was there too. Our big fathers used to hold us in their arms and slide down the poles with us, and we would all laugh. Richie was the first kid from my home town to die in Viet Nam. He died, his father’s heart broke and never healed, and then some jerk from the Boomer Left, said he “deserved it”. If you want to know who is REALLY mad at that tribe of boomers, look around for the likes of me.

Almost as good as you guys. Here are my two faves:

Calling the plan for peace in the Middle East a “road map” is ridiculous. Women will not be able to follow it and men will know a better route without referring to it. Brian Christley Daily Telegraph, May 5

And this one:

Our leading bishops demand hard evidence of Saddam Hussein’s possessions of weapons of mass destruction. If we were to demand the same level of proof from their profession, they would all be out of a job. Avril Segal Times, January 21

Fair enough.

BLUE SUEDE JEWS: A very American way to celebrate Hannukah – in Tennessee.

GETTING THEM YOUNG: Palestinian kids trade baseball cards – of their favorite terrorists.

THE RELIGIOUS RIGHT SPLITS: A rare look inside the deep divisions among the far right over a constitutional amendment to ban marriage for gays. What this reveals is something important: the amendment as it stands is designed not simply to ban marriage for gays but to strip gay couples of any benefits or rights under domestic partnerships, civil unions or any other basis. The more moderate types – such as Maggie Gallagher or Matt Daniels, who started the “Alliance for Marriage” – don’t want to launch an anti-gay crusade and are content to see gay couples have some legal protections. But the real base of the movement wants something with far more teeth. The current amendment has those teeth. And the front-men who claim it’s merely about marriage are lying.

SONTAG AWARD NOMINEE: “The country was really taken over. It was a coup. This man was not elected, he sits in the White House and he’s declaring war. That’s a coup d’état. America should be in the streets picketing. And our boys and our girls, our teenagers and 20- year-olds, are off there killing people. And war begets war.” – Rosie O’Donnell, on Sirius Satellite Radio, December 11.

MY MAD COW JOKE: Okay, so I’m not that good at jokes. I like them really stupid in a “Dumb and Dumber” kind of way. So this cow says to another cow: “I’m really freaked out about this whole mad cow disease.” “I’m not worried in the slightest,” says the other cow. “But it’s breaking out all over and they’re slaughtering hundreds and thousands in Europe. How can you not be worried?” the first cow protests. “Well, it’s not going to affect me.” says the second cow. “I’m a duck.”

ERASING GAYS: We all know that many elements of the religious right would render gay citizens invisible if they could, so it’s no surprise that they have lobbied the Park Service to remove any evidence that gay citizens have protested on the Mall in Washington D.C. What is surprising is that the Park Service is now going along – removing from the educational video at the Lincoln Memorial any footage of gay rights rallies, and restricting footage to scenes of “Promise Keepers,” and other scenes more palatable to the evangelical crowd. Michael Demmons has the goods.

Wesley Clark congratulates the president on Gaddafi’s climbdown. President Clinton, that is.

How a homeless transvestite has just become a national hero in Italy – for being a real man. His name? Natale.

For truly pleasurable reading, you can’t beat the French press right now. My trusty Parisian correspondent (via cyberspace) relays the following information. Le Figaro wails:

French diplomacy finishes the year on a morose note. Not only must it watch American trains passing, in Iraq as in Libya, but it must also applaud. The success obtained by George W. Bush in his fight against ‘rogue states,’ with the arrest of Saddam Hussein and then Qaddafi’s renouncing of weapons of mass destruction, have placed Paris in a delicate position.

“Delicate.” Heh. Then there’s Le Parisien: “If a glorious solitude is the price of greatness, no one can doubt that France lives the highest hours of its civilization.” Glorious solitude. I thought we were the unilateralists. Merry Christmas.

As the president cruises back toward 60 percent approval, Dean streaks ahead of his nearest competitor. Dean is now at 31 percent support – and no one else is in double digits. Someone will emerge, of course. My bet is Clark. But the odds are now overwhelmingly in favor of a Bush-Dean match-up in the fall. One interesting nugget:

The Post-ABC poll suggests that Dean’s recent surge has come disproportionately from Democrats who do not closely identify with their party. In mid-October, Dean claimed the support of one in six Democratic-leaning independents and an equal proportion of party rank and file. Today, he gets significantly more support from independent Democrats (35 percent) than he does from party faithful (26 percent).

Dean is remaking the Democrats. And it’s hard to see how the establishment stops him without tearing their party apart.

NEXT, SYRIA: The Blair government tries to build on its diplomatic success with Libya to put new pressure on Syria. Good luck talking France into it. Meanwhile, de Villepin is trying hard to spin his country’s complete marginalization with regard to Libya:

M de Villepin rejected suggestions that France lost face by being kept out of the diplomatic loop, arguing that it was a perfect example of his vision of an interdependent, multi-polar world at work. “It is only natural that those who are best placed at a given moment to use their capabilities to the common good do so, as long as their action is of an unquestionably multilateral nature.”… Even the normally pro-government Le Figaro described the Libyan deal as a “semi-failure” for France, which has been against tough action against rogue states. Annick Lepetit, the Socialist party spokesman, said it signified “the isolation of France and French diplomacy in an area where it is traditionally influential”.

as Glenn would say: Heh.

A CLASS ACT: More news about my hero of the year from 2002, Pat Tillman.

HOIST BY THEIR OWN PETARD: The American “Family” Association, a virulent anti-gay group, decided to hold an online poll in order to prve to members of Congress that the public was appalled at the idea that gay couples should have the right to marry the person they love. Then word got out and lots of people began to participate. Guess which side is winning …

SOUTH PARK REPUBLICANS: A lovely email I just received about boomer idiocy:

While having a beer at a neighborhood bar/restaurant in NYC’s West Village last weekend, I was party to a situation that I think you’ll find directly on point.
Three mid-50’s liberals were going on about the capture of Saddam; how it was a conspiracy, that the president knew where he was at all times and picked a politically opportune moment to capture him, it was all about the oil, etc.
The mid-20’s girl sitting next to them broke from her conversation to chime in with the following, “I wish 60’s sensibilities had stayed there. Someone points a gun in your face and you think ‘My Fault’, when you should be thinking ‘You just picked the wrong fight’. Get your heads out of your asses”.
They responded with dismissive claims about Republicans and tourists from the midwest.
She replied with, “One, I’ve grew up in Brooklyn. Two, I voted for Gore — but I’ll sure as hell take W. over someone who thinks the French are the height of moral authority and without ulterior motive.”
I asked her out on the spot, and have a date for this Friday. Foxy, Cunning, and Fearless — wish me luck!

Er, good luck!

Lovely detail from their miserable editorial on the Gaddafi reversal:

We can also question why France was absent from Libya’s aggiornamento [modernization; becoming current]. The dawn of a new strategic reality in the Middle East is accompanied by a considerable and dangerous division between Europe and the United States.”

Translation: you screwed up and now you’re left out. How hard is that to understand?

From the Guardian today:

This was not achieved by military power, by invasion, by shredding inter national law, by enforced regime change or by large-scale bloodshed. Nor, in fact, despite Mr Bush’s eagerness for plaudits, was it primarily achieved by his administration at all. It was achieved by discussion – by endless talk, mostly in London, latterly in Libya, and finally in a London gentlemen’s club. Boring perhaps, but effective; and here, with shock and awe, is a lesson for the Pentagon to absorb. Here is a measure of the true worth of the diplomacy espoused by Mr Cook and others. It bore fruit in Iran last week, another country which Britain refuses to join the US in ostracising. It could yet produce results in Syria, another low-grade WMD state, and in North Korea, if only senior US officials would stop threatening them.

That poor Assad and that needy victim, Kim Jong-Il. They’d be ready for membership of the EU if only Washington would stop threatening them. But my favorite detail is the Guardian’s deployment of the phrase “war of terror.” I wish it were a Freudian slip.

IN DENIAL II: Hmmm. The New York Times runs a big story on the journalistic friends of Conrad Black, media mogul in ethical rapids. They detail how some leading conservatives have been paid handsomely on Black’s “advisory boards” while not disclosing their payments. Who does that remind you of? Two years ago, it was revealed that Enron – yes, Enron – had been lavishing huge sums on friendly journalists, including the New York Times columnist, Paul Krugman. The NYT – despite devoting enormous resources to the Enron story – deliberately ignored the journalism angle. Krugman still hasn’t disclosed the tens of thousands of thinly-veiled bribes he got from Enron, while he postures absurdly as a foe of the powerful. The New York Times never ran a stand-alone story about the affair, despite the fact that the majority of the journalists coopted by Enron were on the right. They cannot now say that this was a non-story. They have treated the Black friendships and “payments” as a real story. The disparate treatment is yet another example of how the NYT under Howell Raines wasn’t just biased and slightly nuts. It was corrupt.