The Dish

 

My reader invoked the b-word earlier. We bearded folks have endured such obloquy before. This is how beards were harrassed out of fashion a century ago:

'In the British Library I read an instruction manual for a game called Beaver. The game involves two players pacing the streets, or staying put in a café/on top of a double decker bus – wherever they fancy – spotting bearded folk. The game is scored like lawn tennis, whenever one contender spots a beard they shout Beaver! 15 / love and so on. A double fault occurs when a competitor thinks he sees a bearded man from behind, but when the two come face to face the competitor finds he is mistaken.

The book is full of pictures of different types of ‘beaver’ such as the ‘half beaver’, the ‘santa beaver’, ‘mandarin beaver’ and the ‘nanny beaver,’ which falls from the middle of the chin and must be 2 inches long. Women sporting beards are Queen beavers, which “should be exclaimed sotto voce, in a whisper. The game may have begun in Oxford, in Malta or a place of unknown origin.'

This might not work quite as well in contemporary America. But if one more well-meaning female friend asks me why I'm hiding my face. I'll lose it. I was at dinner with Laura Ingraham the other night, and she recoiled as if a small animal had attached itself to my jaw-line. My mother is pretty much apoplectic about it, but mothers always are. But, hey, I'm no Darwin.

And he didn't use Just For Men, I'm guessing. I'm just not ready for the full Santa yet.

RedState's Tabitha Hale frowns at Palin's endorsement of Carly Fiorina over the "actual conservative," Chuck DeVore:

The initial reponse on Twitter and Facebook was shock from most of the [Tea Party] activists. I suppose many were convinced that Palin was still a “maverick”… which, if we’re being honest, hasn’t been true for a while. She’s becoming the establishment, for better or worse. I fail to see how endorsing Fiorina is “shaking things up”, as she states in her post.

Dan Riehl "suspect[s] she's now lost a large part of her original base." Her Facebook fans are livid.

I’ve been apart from my beagles for three weeks now, and I’m almost missing them as much as Aaron. It’s long been a staple in our little family that Dusty, while sweet under her occasionally aloof/ornery exterior, is nonetheless far more devoted to food than humans. I’ve always suspected that if she had to choose between me and a potato chip, she’d pick the potato chip. At the very murmur of food, she leaps into action. But she squirms whenever I pick her up for a hug.

Well, after three weeks, we now have an empirical test. And she passes:

After all that beard abuse, I need some cheering up.

Dante Atkins joins the endless endeavor:

Carly Fiorina has never held elected office, so she has never cast a single vote on a piece of legislation. (She hasn't spent much time voting for anything, actually.) So how could she have a 100% record on anything? In addition, a brief check of the NRA's Political Victory Fund seems to indicate that if the NRA has graded 2010 primary candidates in California, it's certainly not public yet.

Bonus paranoia points here.

Some disturbing developments. Four reporters are thrown out of the Gitmo court-room for publishing the name of an interrogator witness. Horton:

There is more to this than meets the eye, because the identity of the interrogator is already a matter of public knowledge, and more than these four publications have already disclosed the name.

Ackerman:

[Carol] Rosenberg of the Miami Times is the single most diligent, consistent and experienced Guantanamo Bay reporter in the world, having carved out the Guantanamo beat steadily almost since the detention facility here opened in 2002 and traveled here more frequently than any other journalist. (I personally heard complaints about her from public affairs officers here five years ago — and those complaints amounted to whining about how dogged an investigator she was.) Koring and Edwards have also been invaluable resources about Khadr and Guantanamo to their colleagues these past two weeks.

A reader writes:

I love you and understand your fascination with beards/bears, but your current bushiness is not flattering. I say this as a fan and one who thinks you are pretty sexy looking (even though I'm a girl). Manscape!

I'm sorry but manscaping is a dirty word to me. Another writes:

OMG. Just saw you on Colbert.  If I lived near you I would break in to your home and pour out all of your Just For Men. Go natural!

I just watched the video. It's not that bad. When it's thick it always looks darker. And my beard is actually pretty dark anyway. Am I sounding sad? Desperate? Another:

It was a little disconcerting not seeing your mouth while you spoke.

Three words: get over it. Another:

Was that a beard, or did a beaver die on your face? 

What am I saying?  You'd never let a beaver anywhere near your face.

Another:

That bush on your face is now completely mono-coloured and no longer looks 3 dimensional.  In fact, that singular coloured beard of yours now looks like a giant black hole has consumed the lower half of your face.  Haven't you always winced when you saw old men with solid black or brown hair without a single shade of contrast rippling throughout that head of hair — which of course is the instant tell-tale sign that they've had their hair dyed — and obviously dyed by a non-professional??   It looks unreal.  And forced.

You looked waaaaaay cooler and hotter with the grey streaks here and there.  You can still dye it, but lose the Just For Men stuff.  Let the beard grow out all the mono-dark hair until the grey returns and then go to a PROFESSIONAL who will touch up your beard to diminish the grey and even replace it with colours and tones belonging to the same family as your original hair colour.  

And Andrew, I know you're a bear and I celebrate your beardom, but you have a beautiful and cheeky smile, and there's nothing less appealing than to not be able to see someone's lips. Your upper lip is now gone, having been been consumed by hair above your lip which seems to be residing partially over your lip and inside your mouth.  

For the love of gawd, trim that shrub down a little!

What have I? What have I? What have I done to deserve this?

And where do I find a professional beard colorist? Has beardom managed to create that market?

Write your own perfect Newsweek cover-story.

Bryanston, Johannesburg, South Africa, 12 pm

"In general, comedy in purist form always makes some people uncomfortable," – Comedy Central's head of original programming Kent Alterman, defending a planned cartoon series featuring Jesus Christ.