Gay Couples In Exile

It’s an increasing trend for gay couples who commit to each other but come from different countries. Most straight people don’t even begin to understand this. It is a given that if they were to fall in love with someone from another country, they could find a way to be together in America as a married couple. That kind of love is recognized by government as something worth protecting. For some:

I and my partner’s own story is one of the unfortunate many. We met in London while studying, and he returned with me to the States nearly 15 years ago on a student visa (I’m a US citizen). His visa eventually ran out and as life became increasingly more difficult in the U.S., we opted to emigrate to Canada.

Understand, Andrew, that we had full careers and lives in the U.S., which we didn’t want to leave. He is a nurse, I a web developer. We had purchased a ‘fixer-upper’ in a depressed Milwaukee neighborhood, became involved in community organizations, paid our taxes. We were fully accepted and integrated with our US families and friends.

And while our employers offered domestic-partner benefits, our state and federal governments did not and would not recognize us as a couple. Coming to Canada has not all been easy: I am still traveling back and forth, holding down one job while looking for a new one here. But we did get married here and it is a wonderful feeling to have full legal protection after 15 years of being together. And we are thankful to this good Northern Neighbor and its humane and intelligent view of immigration and gay-relationships. You know Andrew, this country is increasingly young – immigrant young – vibrant and culturally rich. We joined thousands of fellow Torontonians at Nathan Square for the arrival of the New Year last night, watching so many different nationalities interact happily and peaceably. The future is here, Andrew, in cities and nations that open themselves to change and the future. And we are very fortunate to be a part of it. One hopes that the United States will see and seize the historic opportunity the upcoming election presents. We all don’t yet "Know Hope," but many do yearn for it.

Another reader writes:

My partner and I met in the U.S. 1988.  He had been attempting to legitimize his residency here since 1985.  We spent the following 17 years of our lives together waging a legal war of attrition on the INS. During that entire period, we could never inform the government that we were a committed couple.  There was not a single day when we forgot that the mail or a knock on the door could signal an expulsion.  Finally, as we were preparing a move to Canada, the INS gave way and granted him legal status.

We were lucky to have sufficient means and the cool nerves necessary to solve the problem.  Our hearts go out to the many couples who, unfortunately, have neither.