The entire point of today’s "social conservatism" with respect to gay people is not to encourage responsibility, fidelity, marriage or love among gay people; it is to tell gay people to marry straight people and suppress or "cure" their sexual orientation. In fact, do yourself a favor and see if you know any social conservatives who actually favor social conservatism for the three percent or so of humanity that is gay. It’s a useful test, no?
There are so many obvious questions for a wife like me: Didn’t I realize he was gay? Did I ignore red flags? And if I had suspicions, why didn’t I confront him earlier or divorce him?
I suppose I was always suspicious, but I was in denial. Early in our relationship, Chris told me he’d had homosexual experiences as a teenager but assured me it was youthful curiosity. I didn’t think there was anything wrong with being gay — I have an openly gay cousin. And I didn’t care what went on behind others’ closed doors. But I also didn’t believe that a gay man would ever be attracted to a straight woman, and I was naive — too naive to see why a homosexual man would marry and spend years lying to his wife, his friends, his family and himself.
It’s time to realize that social conservatives who oppose equality in marriage, who defend the closet, and whose main response to emerging gay identity is to block its integration into the family are actually fostering divorce, disease, distrust and social disintegration. If it’s not merely driven by bigotry and discomfort, why?