Head-butting dos and don'ts:
Kelly Conaboy captions:
Please remember to use your head when attacked, no matter how old you might be. Also something about using your elbows? I’m not totally clear on the elbows part, but keep your elbows as a backup option.
Laura Northrup dug up the oddly meditative video:
This gem has been lurking on YouTube for the world to discover. You might have this model of toilet in your home right now, and yet it never occurred to you to flush a pile of water wigglers or an entire pack of hot dogs. Because you are a sane person.
The key scene of American ridiculousness and excess of this video isn’t the kitty litter or the hot dogs, but has to be the chicken nuggets flushed to demonstrate the toilet’s superiority. They dump 56 chicken nuggets in. Not 50, and not even 55: 56.
I can’t quite get past the image of the large-size hot dogs heading into oblivion. But I may be revealing more than I want to …
Something to listen to when you're flying home for the holidays in your private jet:
Specially for Matt and Trey:
Rebecca Joines Schinsky highlights a new tumblr:
If you’ve spent any amount of time at all reading consumer book reviews at Amazon (or Goodreads, or B & N, or Powell’s), you’ve likely seen some doozies. Most helpful reviews might be best for when you’re actually shopping, but when you want to fall into the internet and lose your last shreds of faith in humanity? There’s nothing better than Least Helpful. It’s exactly what it sounds like–a collection of the least helpful (and often most hilarious) customer reviews from online retailers.
A Christmas-themed review after the jump:
Why should Christmas have a monopoly on terrible holiday songs?
Marlow Stern talks to the singer, Nicole Westbrook:
[She] hasn’t been too concerned about the song’s reception—including a recent critically maligned live performance on Access Hollywood. "It’s just been such a great experience," she says. "I’m very happy with the song and how it turned out. I haven’t read any of the comments—whether they’re good or bad—I just stayed away. I think it’s really helped me because I haven’t felt depressed or regretful."
"Sexbots are coming, and we will cum with them. Three times a week or whatever our physician / longevity coach recommends. Because orgasms — especially the hormone-exploding O’s we’ll eventually enjoy with carnal cyborgs — are excellent for mental and physical health.
Remember the most convulsive, brain-ripping climax you ever had? The one that left you with “I could die happy now” satiety? Sexbots will electrocute our flesh with climaxes thrice as gigantic because they’ll be more desirable, patient, eager, and altruistic than their meat-bag competition, plus they’ll be uploaded with supreme sex-skills from millennia of erotic manuals, archives and academic experiments, and their anatomy will feature sexplosive devices. Sexbots will heighten our ecstasy until we have shrieking, frothy, bug-eyed, amnesia-inducing orgasms. They’ll offer us quadruple-tongued cunnilingus, open-throat silky fellatio, deliriously gentle kissing, transcendent nipple tweaking, g-spot massage & prostate milking dexterity, plus 2,000 varieties of coital rhythm with scented lubes — this will all be ours when the Sexbots arrive," – Hank Pellissier of transhumanity.net.
(Hat tip: Jessica Roy)
Pat Robertson is bored by your porn, ladies:
"All family and friends, even close family and friends, who I know to be Democrats are hereby dead to me. I vow never to speak to them again for the rest of my life, or have any communications with them. They are in short, the enemies of liberty. They deserve nothing less than hatred and utter contempt. I strongly urge all other libertarians to do the same. Are you married to someone who voted for Obama, have a girlfriend who voted 'O'. Divorce them. Break up with them without haste. Vow not to attend family functions, Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas for example, if there will be any family members in attendance who are Democrats," - Eric Dondero, LibertarianRepublican.net.
Dan Amira interviewed Dondero about the logistics of his boycott. Money quote:
Elton John is a toughie. You know he leans left. But he made friends with Rush Limbaugh of all people last year. So, I give him a pass.
Fox News goes hunting for Black Panthers:
A reader writes:
So let me get this straight – the guy is intimating voters by holding the door open for them?
The Dish 